Silliness

I LOVE this picture!! I have no idea who these ladies really are, or what their story is - but to me this picture is like reading a story. First of all, it seems just down right humorous. I don't know why, but I feel a deeper feeling, way down in my gut when I look at these women. Maybe because they look like they have seen a lot of heartache in their lifetime. They are obviously from a culture that believes women should keep their heads covered and that speaks of oppression to me. Yet, in this image, here they are bowling together! I think it speaks of hope and freedom and just downright silliness.

I want my life to be like that. Yes, there will always be heartache and disappointment, but can I rise above it, live through it, and just plain survive? I was not always sure I would be able to. I told my two older kids yesterday that they were worth living for. We had been in some pretty deep dark conversation before hand...but I thought they should know. They should know that all those years I spent in my dark bedroom in the deep pit of severe physical illness and a deep depression, they were the reason I tried each day. When I lay in that bed curled up in a fetal position, sobbing, just wanting to die so the pain would all end, it was their faces that kept me from doing something stupid, something hard to even imagine now, but came easily to my mind then. It was the thought of the trauma they would endure that helped me to stick with it and endure my own darkness. It was their faces that helped me to never give up until I found an answer.

I am so grateful to them. Grateful that they were so wonderful about it all back then. Grateful that after I began healing they could express their anger and resentment about it all and we could all heal together. Grateful that they wanted to spend time with me last night and I could express to them that they are worth living for. It was also important they understand it was not just about me, it is about their future. It is about all the people they will impact in a similar way through out their life, the people that will be fortunate enough to know them - because, they are some of the most wonderful people I believe I will ever have the privilege to know.

I want to be old some day and just drop whatever I am doing and go bowling with my friends. I want to feel hopeful, free, and just plain silly. But, I don't think I will wait for all of that, I believe I will start doing those things today. Want to join me?