Sometimes I wish I could write poetry. When I feel melancholy and reflective it would be nice to know how to put that into something beautiful.
I wish I knew how to explain that after 21 years, 3 kids and lots of good and bad times that I still miss Sean when he is not home. It is like a piece of me is missing. I don't always feel that way, but tonight I do. It has been a good day, a really good day, but right now I am tired. I wish I could just crawl into bed beside him and talk to him in the dark. It would have been even better if he would have been by my side to experience this good day with me and we could talk about it together. Somehow, when I experience something amazing, I can never quite explain it in the same way it would be to just experience it.
The truth is, if Sean would have been here with me today...we probably would have not appreciated it. We would have been distracted with all that was going on to stop and realize that being together and experiencing it together in itself is a gift. I probably would have found something to bitch at him about - he didn't do something the way I thought he should have, he was late, he forgot something he said he would do, etc... If he was here with me right now would I be able to just stop and realize that being with him in itself would be a gift. I hope so, but how many nights over the past 21 years did I forget that?