Saturday, August 23, 2008


I have always heard the statement that "happiness is a choice". This week in a book I was reading the statement was made, "Not only is happiness a choice, Hope is a choice as well." I am not sure why it stuck with me and I keep pondering it. Maybe because there are so many things in the world around me that seem hopeless. I also think there are times when it is hard to be hopeful. I do think that statement may just be right though - if we give up hope then we might as well just give up.

In the summer of 2000 we put everything we owned into storage and began building a house that Sean said we would be living in by fall. After a month of living with VERY generous friends, we ended up in a travel trailer out here at our property. No running water or electricity. I cooked everything on a grill, we showered at the public pool, basically our life sucked at that point! It was then that I found out I was pregnant. And people don't believe in God - oh trust me, he is alive and has a HUGE sense of humor!! :) I became very ill while pregnant, so the assumption was that once the baby came I would be alright. Well, I wasn't.

The years went by, we kept working on the house, while all 5 living in a two bedroom apartment. Hey, it was cramped, but at least we had water and electricity! My health was really bad though. We eventually figured out I was allergic to tons of stuff - gasoline, cleaning products, molds (which had been in the travel trailer and ended up in the apartment as well), perfumes, clothes dyes, pesticides, processed foods, etc... All of those things caused a Vago Vasal near syncope reaction - basically my blood pressure dropped and I became very dizzy and nauseous. I didn't know that right away - it was 4 years and about 16 doctors later that I finally found an internist that would listen to me and not just assume me to be crazy. He is still my doctor today and I love him dearly. I admit I was a basket case the first time I saw him. He looked through that and continued to do tests until he found the problem. I am grateful for that.

Anyway, back to hope! All those years, even in the midst of severe depression and debilitating anxiety - I was not willing to give up hope. I knew God wanted me to live an abundant life and I knew there was an answer - so I never gave up seeking it. I went and spent 3 months with a doctor in Missouri doing NAET - it is a natural way to treat allergies. It helped me some, but I was still reacting to tons of stuff after returning home. I went to a homeopathic doctor named, Dogmar Uhl - I should have been afraid of the name alone! She did "emotional healing" and basically I spent about $1000 and 10 hours screaming on a mattress over a 2 month period. You think I am joking? She had a full size mattress and she would sit beside me and we would talk about my illness and when I felt a negative emotion she would have me scream, bang on the mattress, sometimes kick, etc... All that came out of that was a very sore throat! I saw about 10 different medical doctors that all wanted to put me on antidepressants. I took them off and on and was a zombie - but still had my allergic reactions, I just wasn't as excited about them. :)

My point to all of this is - today I have my life back! I praise God for all He has done, and I am extremely grateful each day for being able to get up and do whatever I want whenever I want - that is a gift. I often encounter people that seem resigned with their circumstances. I was NEVER going to just resolve that I would be sick the rest of my life. I can promise you that if I hadn't found the answer yet - I would still be seeking it, all the way until my death. I was never going to give up hope that I could be well again. I think hope is a choice, whatever the struggle is, marriage, jobs, family, health. By choosing hope, our eyes might just be open enough to see the answer when it comes along. I HOPE so, anyway!


Jen said...

Fantastic testimony!
It gives my heart a smile and new refresing look at hope. thx

reliv4life said...

Jen -thanks to you - your comment made my day!!

Shellmo said...

What a great reminder about the importance of hope - thank you!
(How are your allergies by the way? Do you have to use certain products? )

citizen of the world said...

I agree completely that hope/optimism is key.

And the story about the screaming therapy set my teeth on edge. There is no sense to having someone practice rage (or other negative emotions) - you just set them more firmly in place. It's like building a little home for anger in your heart. I believe it's important for people to acknowledge anger and fear and sadness and so on as very normal reactions, and then practice sitting with it and letting it go.

reliv4life said...

shellmo - thanks! actually I don't have to really worry about my allergies anymore, I am really symptom free. I still like using non toxic stuff at home, but when I go to my family or friends that use regular stuff, I am fine!

citizen - hate I upset you. I look back on that and can laugh about it now. The only thing I regret is the money!

aoc gold said...

Where Go The Boats?


Dark brown is the river,
Golden is the sand.

It floats along forever,

With trees on either hand.

Green leaves a-floating,

Castles of the foam,

Boats of mine a-floating

Where will all come home?

On goes the river

And out past the mill,

Away down the valley,

Away down the hill.

Away down the river,
A hundred miles or more,
Other little children

Shall bring my boats ashore.
-----by aoc powerlevewling