The truth is, I seldom have a bad day. That has not always been the case in my life, but fortunately, in the recent past, it is true. It seems that today was an accumulation of a lot of not so great things all hitting at once. This morning I kept trying to shake it off, after the first few things hit, I was still feeling strong and courageous. But by early afternoon I just threw in the towel, after a good cry of course. It finally all got the best of me.
I wanted to just crawl into a hole and be alone. I wanted to stick my head in the sand and ignore the world, even if it was only for a little while. I finally ignored the phones and crawled into bed with Lizzie and we watched Animal Planet. It was a good reprieve. My emotions have run from shock to unbelief to anger and now I am just plain sad.
I am not used to feeling like this honestly, my life is usually full of joy and I am training myself to find the good in things even when it is not easy. But tonight I am weary, tonight I just don't want to work that hard at being positive. I think tonight I will give myself permission to just be and just feel whatever I want to feel. Tomorrow will be a new day, the first day of a new month. A month that will begin to show the signs of spring and new beginnings and that will be wonderful, but for tonight, just for tonight, I don't want to see the light, I want to pull the blanket over my head and hide in the dark where nothing can touch me or hurt me anymore.
The truth is, I seldom have a bad day. That has not always been the case in my life, but fortunately, in the recent past, it is true. It seems that today was an accumulation of a lot of not so great things all hitting at once. This morning I kept trying to shake it off, after the first few things hit, I was still feeling strong and courageous. But by early afternoon I just threw in the towel, after a good cry of course. It finally all got the best of me.
I wanted to just crawl into a hole and be alone. I wanted to stick my head in the sand and ignore the world, even if it was only for a little while. I finally ignored the phones and crawled into bed with Lizzie and we watched Animal Planet. It was a good reprieve. My emotions have run from shock to unbelief to anger and now I am just plain sad.
I am not used to feeling like this honestly, my life is usually full of joy and I am training myself to find the good in things even when it is not easy. But tonight I am weary, tonight I just don't want to work that hard at being positive. I think tonight I will give myself permission to just be and just feel whatever I want to feel. Tomorrow will be a new day, the first day of a new month. A month that will begin to show the signs of spring and new beginnings and that will be wonderful, but for tonight, just for tonight, I don't want to see the light, I want to pull the blanket over my head and hide in the dark where nothing can touch me or hurt me anymore.
4 comments:
Michele - I am so sorry and sad to hear about your bad day. Wish there was something I could do for you - make you a cup of tea - or make you laugh. Just know I will be praying for a better day for you tomorrow.
I guess we all have those days. I say, wallow in it when they - if your normal self is upbeat t's important to just be in sadness once in a while.
I'm sorry to hear you had a bad day. I know how tough it can be to get through to the other side of one of those. Today is a new one---hope this one is much better for you. Here's a cyberhug for you---sending you wishes that things will look brighter with the beginning of a new month. ((((Michele))))
Shelley - thanks friend!! I am grateful for you.
Citizen - I will take that as good advise, coming from you, and yes, much better to feel it and be done with it than shelve it to creep back out later!
Daisy - thanks for the cyber hug, I REALLY needed it and appreciated it very much! today was much better!!
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