I wanted to just crawl into a hole and be alone. I wanted to stick my head in the sand and ignore the world, even if it was only for a little while. I finally ignored the phones and crawled into bed with Lizzie and we watched Animal Planet. It was a good reprieve. My emotions have run from shock to unbelief to anger and now I am just plain sad.
I am not used to feeling like this honestly, my life is usually full of joy and I am training myself to find the good in things even when it is not easy. But tonight I am weary, tonight I just don't want to work that hard at being positive. I think tonight I will give myself permission to just be and just feel whatever I want to feel. Tomorrow will be a new day, the first day of a new month. A month that will begin to show the signs of spring and new beginnings and that will be wonderful, but for tonight, just for tonight, I don't want to see the light, I want to pull the blanket over my head and hide in the dark where nothing can touch me or hurt me anymore.