Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Life








I am still on Sean's computer so I do not have access to my pictures. I thought I would give you a sample of the pictures on his computer that I do have access to. I am sorry, but for the life of me I just can't figure out how to blog about farrier tools, airplanes, or crests.
It is just not in me. So, I will tell you what is happening with me.
Something has taken over and I have no way to explain it. I have never been so excited about life as long as I can remember. Even with this time change I wake up before my alarm, too excited about the day to stay in bed. Those of you that know me well, know I LOVE to sleep in, so you realize the great extent of my excitement. It is like I can not wait for the day to actually arrive so I can get moving. And I do mean get moving.
I was a swimmer all of my childhood and teen years. To be honest, I was pretty damn good at it, too. I held the regional backstroke record at my school from 1986 until I don't know when. When we moved to Montana in 1998 my name was still up there on the board. I am assuming at this point someone has finally broken it. My point is this, I have not really exercised much since that time. Then when I was sick - if I even exercised for 10 minutes I would detox and feel horrible for 2 days. Well, I started walking in september. Not much, I would do 10 - 15 minutes on the treadmill about 3 days a week. Well, a couple of weeks ago I decided to get serious about this. I started taking Slimplicity and walking 4 - 5 days a week. The longest I have walked so far has been 27 minutes. My cravings for sweets has decreased dramatically with the slimplicity. I am addicted to the scales, and then if I am not losing the amount of weight I should, then I get frustrated, so I am not going to weigh until March 24th, that will be a month from when I started. I can tell I am losing inches though from my clothes.
Another thing is my anxiety. I have mentioned it on here before, but I did not leave my house without my mom or my husband for about 4 years. I started driving with my kids about 8 or 9 months ago, and that was really freeing, but I have yet to venture out on my own. I feel safe with Reagan, cuz I know if I needed her to, she could drive. See, the anxiety comes from years of getting sick and when I would have my allergic reactions I could not remember how to get home, or anywhere else - so I quit driving. So, over the past month I have been taking short treks out on my own. Yesterday I did actually drive to town, with Sean in his truck several miles behind me. I drove all of my errands in town alone. I did flip out one time when I called his cell phone and he did not answer. Then I spent the next 30 minutes mentally bashing myself for being an idiot. I did a lot of negative self talk about how a grown woman should not be scared to be in town alone, etc... which was unproductive. Finally I realized that the point is that I am doing it, I am trying. I want to live life to the fullest and am going to continue to grow as much as I can.
So, you see I am going through a lot of personal growth and it is scary and exciting at the same time. I am LOVING life right now!

4 comments:

Shellmo said...

You should be so proud of yourself! With exercising - challenging your limits with driving - etc. - you are in fact living life!

Friar Tuck said...

Congrats. You are a workout maniac!

Jen said...

Hooray for you! This stuff takes time and it's good to go in small steps to accomplish your goals.

Hope you get you puter up and running--your introduction on this post cracked me up.

citizen of the world said...

Did you notice that the pontoon thingies on the plane, the anvil, and the corss bars on that badge all have the same swoopy shape?

Anyway, good for you! And I find myself wondering if having a GPS in the car would help relieve some of that residual anxiety about not remembering how to get home. You can actually have a "home" setting on it.