Some one dear to me has pointed out an interesting fact. I say fact because I think he really is onto something. He said, "You know one of your best qualities and one of your biggest downfalls is that you expect the best from people?". I asked for further explaination and it was pointed out to me that I always look for the very best in people. Now, that was a few days ago and I have been digesting and now have a few thoughts. Some people probably know what they are going to say before they begin writing it down. Writing actually helps me to process things and figure out what I am thinking and feeling.
You know the old saying: "Hurt me once, shame on you, Hurt me twice, shame on me"? Something like that anyway...well, I think of it often. Why? You might ask, because I have unreal expectations of people. I can have a person in my life that hurts me and then next time I encounter them, do I expect hurt again? NO! I am actually shocked when I end up hurt again. Hence the downfall my friend pointed out. I will be shocked each and everytime this same person does something hurtful. I have unrealistic expectations - that somehow miraculously this asshole will suddenly have a bit of tact.
The flip side is that I feel all people have an inherent potential to be the best they can be. I have actually watched people evolve into great leaders, people that were far from that when I first met them. It is an amazing thing to observe. The thing I forget is the most important aspect of expecting a change in people. The truth is that I am out of the equation really. For change to occur, change must be desired. A person must desire a change for themselves and that is the beginning of change.
I am not sure what I will do with this observation. I do not want to expect bad things from people. I want to keep believing that people are inherently good. At the same time I want to protect myself from being hurt. I think for now I will take those few people that seem to be like a poison to me and compartmentalize them as toxic and set healthy boundaries for myself.
Thanks for putting up with my ramblings...any thoughts?
You know the old saying: "Hurt me once, shame on you, Hurt me twice, shame on me"? Something like that anyway...well, I think of it often. Why? You might ask, because I have unreal expectations of people. I can have a person in my life that hurts me and then next time I encounter them, do I expect hurt again? NO! I am actually shocked when I end up hurt again. Hence the downfall my friend pointed out. I will be shocked each and everytime this same person does something hurtful. I have unrealistic expectations - that somehow miraculously this asshole will suddenly have a bit of tact.
The flip side is that I feel all people have an inherent potential to be the best they can be. I have actually watched people evolve into great leaders, people that were far from that when I first met them. It is an amazing thing to observe. The thing I forget is the most important aspect of expecting a change in people. The truth is that I am out of the equation really. For change to occur, change must be desired. A person must desire a change for themselves and that is the beginning of change.
I am not sure what I will do with this observation. I do not want to expect bad things from people. I want to keep believing that people are inherently good. At the same time I want to protect myself from being hurt. I think for now I will take those few people that seem to be like a poison to me and compartmentalize them as toxic and set healthy boundaries for myself.
Thanks for putting up with my ramblings...any thoughts?
4 comments:
Wnat led to this chain of thought
I think when people have the best expectations of you - it can make others want to live up to them - I think it can have a positive effect on people.
Friar - Jake led to this train of thought...He thought of it!
Shelley - agreed with normal folks...it is that other 2% that concern me!
You and I have a lot in common,
I try to give people the benifit of the doubt and sometimes that just doesn't work out.
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