Bad Day

The truth is, I seldom have a bad day. That has not always been the case in my life, but fortunately, in the recent past, it is true. It seems that today was an accumulation of a lot of not so great things all hitting at once. This morning I kept trying to shake it off, after the first few things hit, I was still feeling strong and courageous. But by early afternoon I just threw in the towel, after a good cry of course. It finally all got the best of me.

I wanted to just crawl into a hole and be alone. I wanted to stick my head in the sand and ignore the world, even if it was only for a little while. I finally ignored the phones and crawled into bed with Lizzie and we watched Animal Planet. It was a good reprieve. My emotions have run from shock to unbelief to anger and now I am just plain sad.

I am not used to feeling like this honestly, my life is usually full of joy and I am training myself to find the good in things even when it is not easy. But tonight I am weary, tonight I just don't want to work that hard at being positive. I think tonight I will give myself permission to just be and just feel whatever I want to feel. Tomorrow will be a new day, the first day of a new month. A month that will begin to show the signs of spring and new beginnings and that will be wonderful, but for tonight, just for tonight, I don't want to see the light, I want to pull the blanket over my head and hide in the dark where nothing can touch me or hurt me anymore.

"L" is for Longing for Spring

We live in Montana. Yes, it has warmed up, but no it has not stopped snowing. This is our view this morning. That is actually a glimpse at my mom's place next door. I know I am in the minority, but I do not mind waking up to all the snow. I like it actually and summer is my least favorite month of the year. Maybe being raised in Texas and all that heat warped me, I don't know.

But there are creatures in my home that are longing for spring. Mr Darcy does this regularly, just kinda hangs out of his kitty door, getting a breath of fresh air, but just can't bring himself to actually take a leap and go outside. He just hangs out like this for about five minutes, then pulls his head back inside and walks away from the door looking disgruntled. I think I am the only one in my house NOT longing for spring.

question

Is anyone else having trouble uploading images to blogger? I have been trying since last night - well, not ALL night or anything. I did sleep. I tried several times last night and again this morning.
I am probably just doing something wrong, or my computer is the problem - either one is a possibility... :)
just wondering....

My Girls

These are some of my very favorite pictures of you two. I am not even really sure why, but they just seem carefree and fun - just like the two of you. I did not realize that you would have so much love for each other - you both genuinely enjoy each other's company.

I can not even remember ONE time in seven years that the two of you have been angry with each other - which is certainly not true of other family relationships. Your personalities just seem to mesh really well together. You long to spend time together, which does this ole mama's heart good!

Both of you, so beautiful inside and out and so caring and accepting of each other. I pray that the worst things you have experienced so far will be the worst of your life, but realize that is probably not going to be true. I know there will be hard times ahead for each of you, because this crazy thing we call life is just that way. I also know that no matter what, you will always have each other to encourage and lift you up. Just like the worst is probably still ahead for you, the BEST is as well - because life has so many wonderful things waiting for you both! I am so glad that good or bad, whatever comes, you will face it together - with love and compassion because that is just who you are.

SSSHHHHH

I will let you in on a little secret - I am changing me life. Yep, SO much has changed in my life over the past few years that I am now feeling invincible. I am going to conquer the one area of my life that has never been conquered before - my weight.

I had been walking for about 3 months, but have not lost a pound. Yea, I know all the sayings, "muscle weighs more than fat - you are probably building muscle" Also, my goal is not just to be a skinny minny, but to be healthy! BUT when you are as overweight as I am, weight must come off in order for total health to arrive!

When we were in Ft Worth, Reliv launched their now Slimdown 2009 and I got excited. Reliv has a specific product for weight loss, and people have used it to great success. I have gone on it and off of it about 5 times since it was released in Feb 2007. You probably remember my daughter, Reagan, went from a size 17 to a size 9 using this product. Anyway, I started Slimplicity consistently on February 24th and did not weigh until today - my one month anniversary. Today, I have officially lost 8 lbs and 6 inches!! WOO HOO!!! I guess it is not a secret anymore, and I no longer want it to be - I don't have to be afraid of failure. I have the determination and now I have the tools - watch out!

K is for Kinship

Lizzie had her friends at the party - but I also had mine! Thanks God for wonderful friends and family!! Left to right - my mom, Rosemary, My best friend, Julie, My sweet daughter, Reagan, Me, My dear friend, Char - Yea for Kinship!

Indoor Beach Party!!

These are the cupcakes we made. They were not too hard, but they were time consuming. The shark is made out of a twinkie. I must say, they were delicious! I would have liked the fish to be actually swimming, but you come convince my hard headed kid ANYthing and I will be impressed.

This is our sand - filled living room. Now you see why I say I will be still finding sand next year?

That thing over in the corner covered in plastic is Jake's piano. He threatened endlessly that his piano better not get wet - It survived without being scathed one bit!

This is the guest room. It was wall to wall Pool! There is one sheet rocked wall in there that we covered in plastic.

Lizzie had a blast! She begged for an indoor beach party since her 6th birthday - we said "NO" for 10 months and finally relented. I do not regret it - it was fun! It would only work in a house of solid tile or stained concrete like we have. You really can't hurt our house - it is a perfect house for parties.

Life is Beautiful

1) It is a great day, the sun is shining.

2) My husband is suppose to be at work, but he is home with me and we just took a nap together, on a Thursday in the middle of the day - Wonderful - get your mind out of the gutter, Lizzie is home - so we ONLY napped - but it did cross our minds for just a second - which is also a good thing after 21 years we are not bored with each other.

3) I have almost all the sand cleaned up on my first floor, ALMOST, somehow I think I will be finding sand for a long time to come. I will post pictures soon - I promise!

4) I worked about an hour and a half today and made as much money as I used to make in an entire day of cleaning teeth - and I get to help someone change their future - what more could I ask for?

5)Lizzie is happy today, she is surrounded by her Littlest Pet Shops and having a ball. She is also addicted to the movie Beauty and the Beast these days - I really like that movie. It reminds me of Reagan, she was 3 when it was released and it was also one she watched over and over. I miss Reagan, she is in Houston for Spring Break.

6) I have Choir tonight - one of my very favorite things all week. I LOVE choir, I am not even sure why - but I LOVE it!!

7) Tomorrow is the start of a fabulous weekend!

This Week

Monday Morning Update: A New Tradition

IDEA BORROWED FROM Friar

the weekend that was: Friday and Saturday were full of Reliv stuff, it was Master Affiliate Training, which only happens once a quarter. We had some amazing teachers, Rosemary from MO and Nick from CA. Also, the highest paid Reliv distributors, they make 80K a month, showed up in Bozeman to do training with us - NICE couple who have just helped a lot of people - that was amazing.

Sunday was Lizzie's 7th birthday - we had a beach party - 2 sandboxes in the living room and a 10 ft pool in the extra bedroom! wow! lots of wet, sandy, screaming girls! It was a blast.

on my to-do list this week: it is spring break for the kids, so we are going to do school only 2 days this week. I hope to get a lot of new people called and set appointments. I would like to get my whole house in some kind of order - better than now anyway!

procrastinating about: Cleaning - always!

book i’m in the midst of: The Courage to be Rich, by susie orman, also a jeanette oak book, which is pretty slow, and Helen Keller's biography

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: I downloaded Amy Grant - old stuff I used to listen to in High School, also Wynona

big excitment coming up: Not sure - Everyday I get to help someone change their life seems exciting.

how i’m feeling about this week: Excited, always excited!

J is for Jesus

I would like to introduce you to my best friend, Jesus. Yes, it may seem odd to you that I would talk about Him so casually, as He is the Son of God and all, but He is so much more than that to me.

He has been the only true steadfast thing in my entire life. Always there, always dependable, always loving me no matter what. As much as I love some other people in my life, they are human, and therefore always let me down at some point or another.

I used to just go to Jesus when things were bad or I was in a bind. I would beg Him to rectify the situation and promise my undying devotion, soon to be forgotten when things were smooth again. Then at some point I quit treating Him like the lottery. I quit living in fear of condemnation and began living in freedom of being me, far from perfect, but realizing that I am always lovable to Him.

We have been through a lot together, great things and horrible things, and I know there are going to be both in my future. Good or bad, no matter what, I do know one person that will be beside me from now all the way into eternity - Jesus. My saviour, my healer, my best friend.

Friday the 13th

"So how did Friday the 13th become such an unlucky day?
Dossey, also a folklore historian and author of Holiday Folklore, Phobias and Fun, said fear of Friday the 13th is rooted in ancient, separate bad-luck associations with the number 13 and the day Friday. The two unlucky entities ultimately combined to make one super unlucky day.
Dossey traces the fear of 13 to a Norse myth about 12 gods having a dinner party at Valhalla, their heaven. In walked the uninvited 13th guest, the mischievous Loki. Once there, Loki arranged for Hoder, the blind god of darkness, to shoot Balder the Beautiful, the god of joy and gladness, with a mistletoe-tipped arrow.
"Balder died and the whole Earth got dark. The whole Earth mourned. It was a bad, unlucky day," said Dossey. From that moment on, the number 13 has been considered ominous and forboding."

This Friday some people will be so paralyzed with fear they simply won't get out of bed. Others will steadfastly refuse to fly on an airplane, buy a house, or act on a hot stock tip. It's Friday the 13th, and they're freaked out.
"It's been estimated that [U.S] $800 or $900 million is lost in business on this day because people will not fly or do business they would normally do," said Donald Dossey, founder of the Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in Asheville, North Carolina. " Nat. Geographic

So, do you believe in bad luck? I really do not. I think bad things happen, but lots of good things happen. I think today is gonna be an amazingly great day, Friday the 13th or not!

Life

I am still on Sean's computer so I do not have access to my pictures. I thought I would give you a sample of the pictures on his computer that I do have access to. I am sorry, but for the life of me I just can't figure out how to blog about farrier tools, airplanes, or crests.

It is just not in me. So, I will tell you what is happening with me.

Something has taken over and I have no way to explain it. I have never been so excited about life as long as I can remember. Even with this time change I wake up before my alarm, too excited about the day to stay in bed. Those of you that know me well, know I LOVE to sleep in, so you realize the great extent of my excitement. It is like I can not wait for the day to actually arrive so I can get moving. And I do mean get moving.

I was a swimmer all of my childhood and teen years. To be honest, I was pretty damn good at it, too. I held the regional backstroke record at my school from 1986 until I don't know when. When we moved to Montana in 1998 my name was still up there on the board. I am assuming at this point someone has finally broken it. My point is this, I have not really exercised much since that time. Then when I was sick - if I even exercised for 10 minutes I would detox and feel horrible for 2 days. Well, I started walking in september. Not much, I would do 10 - 15 minutes on the treadmill about 3 days a week. Well, a couple of weeks ago I decided to get serious about this. I started taking Slimplicity and walking 4 - 5 days a week. The longest I have walked so far has been 27 minutes. My cravings for sweets has decreased dramatically with the slimplicity. I am addicted to the scales, and then if I am not losing the amount of weight I should, then I get frustrated, so I am not going to weigh until March 24th, that will be a month from when I started. I can tell I am losing inches though from my clothes.

Another thing is my anxiety. I have mentioned it on here before, but I did not leave my house without my mom or my husband for about 4 years. I started driving with my kids about 8 or 9 months ago, and that was really freeing, but I have yet to venture out on my own. I feel safe with Reagan, cuz I know if I needed her to, she could drive. See, the anxiety comes from years of getting sick and when I would have my allergic reactions I could not remember how to get home, or anywhere else - so I quit driving. So, over the past month I have been taking short treks out on my own. Yesterday I did actually drive to town, with Sean in his truck several miles behind me. I drove all of my errands in town alone. I did flip out one time when I called his cell phone and he did not answer. Then I spent the next 30 minutes mentally bashing myself for being an idiot. I did a lot of negative self talk about how a grown woman should not be scared to be in town alone, etc... which was unproductive. Finally I realized that the point is that I am doing it, I am trying. I want to live life to the fullest and am going to continue to grow as much as I can.

So, you see I am going through a lot of personal growth and it is scary and exciting at the same time. I am LOVING life right now!

I is for Iguana

We used to have one of these living in our house. I can not even tell you

how relieved I am that I am able to say USED to. She was an escape artist,

so I would spend days not sure when I would stumble across this.

EEEEWWWWWW

Lizzie's Interview

This is a note going around Facebook. Since I constantly talk about Lizzie on this blog - why break the theme now? Seriously, this interview cracked me up - it just shows me how kids of her age think everything that happens is about them. If I am happy, it is because of her, if I am sad it is because of her. SO much responsibility!!! I will be glad when the black and white thinking starts getting into some gray reasoning. I think it is interesting that when she is gone she just thinks I sit around and wait for her to come home! Also that my favorite thing is to cuddle with her in bed and watch movies - I love to do that, but I wouldn't list it as my favorite thing in the whole world to do! Anyway - enjoy!





Ask your child questions and write done their answers exactly.

Interview with Lizzie, 6 yr, almost 7

1. What is something mom always says to you?
I love you

2. What makes mom happy?
If I love her

3. What makes mom sad?
If I do something bad

4. How does your mom do that makes you laugh?
tickle

5. What did your mom like to do when she was a child?
I don't know

6. How old is your mom?
40

7. How tall is your mom?
how tall are you?

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Cuddle in bed and watch tv

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
wait for me to come back

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
being the nicest mom for a world record

11. What is your mom really good at?
making pizza

12. What is your mom not very good at?
iron plastic bead animals

13. What does your mom do for her job?
Reliv

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
pizza

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
being the greatest mommie in the whole entire world

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Jerry from Tom and Jerry

17. What do you and your mom do together?
Read, cook, go places

18. How are you and your mom the same?
our chins

19. How are you and your mom different?
our faces except the chin

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
because she says it all the time and I love it

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
when he comes home from work she starts hugging him

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
movies

Help

OK - when I wrote my last post it looked normal, but published weird by the picture. What do I need to do different?

also, how do you put a link without the actual link showing: you know like have one word people click on that takes them to the actual link?

I am blog illiterate - but would love to learn these things!

Strange Thursday

It was a strange Thursday. First of all, my computer croaked...like it is DEAD - I will have to take it in and see what can be salvaged. I think I got a virus, cuz it just started acting crazy and as I was trying to fix it and back up, etc...the screen went black and says some file is missing. I can't get it to do ANYthing!

Yesterday morning there was a gas explosion here in our town. Sean went, of course, cuz he is a fireman and that is what they do. They could not cap the gas off, and there was still fire burning when he finally left last night about 8pm. He is working a 48 hr shift now, so he is already back out there. Most of this city block is destroyed, but glass and roofing material was blown in a 4 blk radius around this. Sean said there is a 10ft deep crater in the back of this building. Quite a big deal for our little town. Of course they flew the Governor and Lt. Governor, etc... in as soon as they all heard about it. I felt so much better that we had spent a lot of money to bring in the politicians to sit around and do nothing. Money well spent, I say!

Lizzie had a bad day. Sean was at a meeting that morning and so he was only a few blocks away and called about 8:20 to tell me he was heading over. It is like I always feel like he is safe, but in the back of my mind I wonder what is really going on. I finally turned the local radio station on about 10:30 and they made the announcement that they could not find a valve to turn off the gas. Lizzie was in here and went into a panic. Needless to say, the radio remained off for the remainder of the day. She is much like her big sister, she avoids her feelings and does a very good job of shelving them. So, through out the day she was a little clingy and whiny, but did not want to talk about anything. When we got home from Jake's piano lesson, we turned the TV on and it was on the news, there was Sean for about 2 seconds - Lizzie exclaimed, "It's daddy! See, he is alright!" Which showed me that she was worrying more than I had thought. When Sean walked through the door about 9pm last night we were all very happy to see him. We were getting ready for bed and Lizzie said, "Can we get in your bed and all snuggle? Dad can be the patty, and mom and I will be the bun - we will be a happy family sandwich!" All was good in her world once again.

H is for the Houston Zoo!!!

We love the Houston Zoo. We go every time we are in Houston, which is usually in July or August and beastly hot and humid! February at the Zoo was WONDERFUL!

Here is Jake being the compliant brother that he is, all 6 ft of him crammed into this little cave!

This is a crawl through tunnel at the piranha exhibit! SCARY!! Lizzie didn't make it much further than this into that tube!

This is my favorite picture. She could not believe the size of that Python!

Here is Lizzie the little Groundhog! She did NOT see her shadow!!