Sunday, January 18, 2009

Sundays

This is St James Episcopal Church, Bozeman, MT. I LOVE this church. I get to go there in a few hours, which just thrills me with excitement. I also LOVE Sundays. Which I just realized this morning is a fairly recent feeling for me. I always felt depressed on Sundays - ALL my life, or as far back as I can remember.

When I was a kid, Sunday meant tomorrow was school. When I was in college - same thing. Then as an adult, Sunday meant that tomorrow, Monday, was back to the grindstone! Maybe it is really Mondays that I hated and that just started seeping over about Sunday afternoon and ruining the end of a perfectly good weekend.

When I think about where I am in life now, my chest actually feels so full of emotion I could burst in song or tears! I feel so grateful to be at a place in life where everyday feels good. I can love Sundays now and Mondays have become one of my favorite days of the week. I wish someone would have told me to think outside of the box long ago!! I wish someone would have said, "If you are not happy, then move on until you find what makes you happy." Now, I am not talking about the occasional bad day, I am talking about if there is something in my world that causes me unrest over and over again - then something needs to change! So, that comes down to determining if it is something I have control over changing or not.

I learned something recently: A goal is something I have complete control over. A desire is something that requires participation from me and another person. I have set desires for myself at times when I thought I was setting goals. I set goals for myself that did not happen because there were other aspects that I could not control, like someone else's free will!! So, I have felt like a failure many times when in truth, I did not realize that there is a difference in a goal and a desire.

So, I have a goal to seek through prayer and other ways what my choices should be for my future. I have a desire to be in good relationship with my kids and husband and to keep a clean house. I have a goal to be available, and not on the phone, to my kids and husband for some quality time each day. I have a goal to finish jobs I start around the house and work at organization each day. Now, I can't control if my kids or husband does not want to be in relationship with me - that is out of my control. I could have a goal of a spotless house if I lived alone with no people or pets contributing to the mess. I guess I am just rambling at this point, but I find it intriguing that I have confused desires with goals for 40 years and felt a failure many times because of it.

I am NOT failure. And I LOVE Sundays and Mondays!! I am very grateful.

4 comments:

Cassie said...

Cool.Sorry it took 40 years for you to see things straight,but at least you have! Thanks for the pretty pic of your church and the BIG SKY of Montana, one of my favorite spots in the world.

Jen said...

Another thought provoking post.
I use to always hate Mondays too.

Do you consider Monday or Sunday the first day of the week?
I always said Monday and my husband says it's Sunday.

Shellmo said...

Glad I got to see the beautiful picture of your church. I used to dread Sundays too - and hated to plan anything on that day cuz I had to be at work early on Monday. Now that I work from home - Sundays and mondays are great!

citizen of the world said...

Goals are good, perfecionsims not so good, It sounds like you reached some peace, and that's wonderful.