Thursday, December 11, 2008

Grateful and HO HO HO!!

Some days my gratitude of health and wellness feel overwhelming. Today is one of those days. My gratitude for my life literally feels like it is swelling from deep inside of me and feels like it is all consuming.

It was only three Christmases ago that my kids decorated the tree alone because I could not get out of bed and Sean was not home. The thought of them doing that alone breaks my heart. I can just picture my precious Reagan - taking charge, putting on the Christmas music and making everything wonderful for her brother and sister. So much responsibility for a little girl to carry.

Then last Christmas Sean and I were living together again after a separation and trying to figure out where we stood. It was a hard time. Just recently I started thinking about that. When we first kissed, or held hands. It all felt so awkward and unsure, just like in a new relationship, only harder. Harder because we wanted it to work so badly, but were both carrying around hurts and pain and were scared of being hurt again.

So, today I am grateful. Grateful that as a family we decorated our tree and our house. Grateful that I am so busy with my life I barely get enough time to sleep in the bed that I used to be in 90% of my time. Grateful that although my marriage is not perfect, it is mending. We are loving each other and able to communicate in a way that we never could before.

I am grateful. Grateful that my heart is full. It seemed empty for far too long.

1 comment:

Shellmo said...

A full heart definitely equals happiness! I wish more of that for you!