I love my Lord

I love my Lord. I came to love Him as a child and have loved Him ever since. Of course, He loved me even before I knew about Him.

When I was ill I couldn't find Him. I tried to pray, but usually just had to read Psalms as my prayers because there was nothing in me to pray. I wasn't even sure God was there - I couldn't feel Him like I had before. I was also angry at God because I did have enough faith to know that if He wanted me instantaneously well He could do that. So, why was I left to suffer?

I once heard a story of a mom tucking her little girl into bed. The little girl was scared and the mom's reply was: "Don't be scared, honey, God is here with you". To which the little girl replied: "Sometimes I just need someone with skin on".

I realize now that God was right there with me. I also realize he held me, loved me, cared for me through people all around me that had skin on - Like my precious Reagan in the picture above. This over responsible oldest child carried a heavy burden while I was sick. She was substitute Mama to Jake and Lizzie and my caregiver most of the time. I beg God to bless her 100 times what she has given to make up for the childhood things she missed out on in those five years.

Now, that I can call on God and feel Him anytime I want - I never want to forget those dark times when I could not. Because there are people out there right now in that dark place - and they need someone with skin on - I want to be that for whoever God places in my path to do so. I pray God opens my eyes, quiets my mind, and stops my own agendas so that I notice them.