Grumpy

Sometimes I am just grumpy and I don't know why. I feel like Lizzie's face looks in this picture. Although we know why she was grumpy, she was angry because her mean mom wouldn't let her pick up a piece of gum off the ground and bring it home to investigate in her science lab she has created in her room. Hard to imagine...

No - my grumpiness comes from down inside but I am not sure why. I am usually fairly good at identifying my feelings and expressing them. So, this grumpiness has my puzzled. I am feeling a bit stressed, torn between family time and work. I love what I do so much that sometimes I know I push my family aside and work. I admit that and then I do feel guilty. Especially when Jake, and it is almost always Jake because he demands the most attention really, speaks up and says, "I feel I am being ignored". This happened last night as a matter of fact. BUT the grumpiness was already there, so that is not the source.

I don't want school to start yet I am looking forward to getting in some kind of routine. Could be part of it, but not all. I wish we would have camped more, done more family trips this summer, could be part as well I suppose. Yea, now that I think about it, maybe it is regret. Regret mixed with guilt that I am not changing and growing as a person as fast I would like to be. I feel stuck in some areas emotionally even though I am working on them. Change does not come easy for me, but once I make up my mind I want to change I expect immediate results. OK - found the source of grumpiness, impatience with Michele!

Thanks blog - writing it all out sometimes does help me to find the source. I have found the source so now I need to treat me like I do all those around me -with compassion and grace. Cudos to me for wanting to change and trying - I just need to cheer myself on more instead of tearing me down. Got it!