New Beginnings!

Nothing

2009-10-07T07:28:00.004-06:00

I have gotten on here three times this week - but I am blank. I have nothing to write about. Oh - my heart is full of joy and I have so much passion and excitement about life that there are hardly words for it. Maybe that is it - I can't find the words to describe how I feel - in fact it seems that since there are no words that writing about it all seems to cheapen it somehow!

I guess think about a time you were filled with AWE - truly in AWE of something - like a beautiful double rainbow - or the day you walked down the aisle - if you have been married - that feeling you had BEFORE you knew the things that were gonna drive you nuts about that person had emerged - the blissful state of wonder. When you think of that - THAT is what this blog is suppose to say but I can't find the words for.

That is how I feel 95% of the time - it is MARVELOUS!!!

Time

2009-10-01T07:34:00.002-06:00

Here is Lizzie at the Grizzly Discovery Center. The are placing food out in hidden places before the Bears are released into the enclosure. This is in West Yellowstone and one of our favorite places - oh Lizzie is in the pink shirt with the dark pants.

She is so cute! I wish I had gotten a good picture of her face - but this is the best there was. We had been camping for several days and yes, she does look like a rag a muffin. At this point I looked like a homeless bum, so it is only fitting.

My post has nothing to do with any of that really - well maybe it does. You see, I am really busy and there is never enough time. So, unless I am up early and have time before my walk and prayer time to blog - it doesn't happen. As you can tell by my recent blogging activity I am rarely up that early...

You see, if there is not enough time - I need to set my priorities. I am walking a minimum of 4 times a week, and I must spend time with God in the morning or the whole day seems to suck - then of course School and Work - so my leisure time is rare - and if I have to choose between blogging and spending time with my family - I will choose them.

BUT - I miss you all very much and love when I am up early and get to visit your blogs and say a brief HI.

Finally

2009-09-25T07:54:00.003-06:00

I can't believe I finally get it!! It only took me over two years. Sometimes I am a little slow, or maybe it was just a process to get here, who knows. I know God called me to do Reliv. I have known for a while now that it is what I have been searching for all my life - a mission. I love helping people and have enjoyed that aspect for a long time - but I still wasn't getting it, not really.

I think when you are struggling financially it is easy to put your eyes on the money and not the mission. I think I have been somewhere in between for a while now. But through a lot of prayer and a lot of revelation I have come to realize that we have struggled financially for 22 years of marriage. We have never had "extra" money. Don't get me wrong, we have been truly blessed and God ALWAYS provides what we need - we have been comfortable. At the same time, it is always a struggle paying for the kid's lessons, dental stuff, car repairs/tags, all those everyday "extras". So - that is why my eyes kept shifting to the money - not that I desire to be wealthy, just to not have to worry anymore about where the money will come for things we need. I think when you don't have enough money - it is on your mind more.

Well, this is NOT about the money. Are you feeling brave? Really brave? Then when you are finished reading this - go to google images and type in "starving infants". It will shock you. There is actually a picture there of a boy eating the excrement from a cow - literally before it hits the ground. Sorry to be so graphic, but now do you see why the money is NOT important? It is so about building my business so we have more distributors feeding these hungry kids. Reliv is feeding over 42 thousand people, mostly children, all over the world right now. We feed them every single day - the best nutrition available, in my opinion. Those 42K are thriving! You can see before and after pictures Here

I could give $500 extra this month and that would be great - but what happens next month and the month after that? We have something that is literally beginning to change the world. I will build my organization so that more and more kids are being fed every day for month after month. Also, we have water systems in Haiti where they not only get clean water for their shakes every day - they can come all day long and take clean water home to drink! We are building schools for them to have a safe, clean environment to grow and learn in - so they can break the cycle of poverty they were born into.

So - money is really very trivial at this point in my mind - it is about these starving children - and that is driving me to share more than anything else ever has.

"If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich." - John F. Kennedy

Bright

2009-09-15T07:27:00.002-06:00

I was playing with my camera on my phone. Do you ever do that? Just start taking random pictures? Well, I don't know if you have a Blackberry - but the flash is SERIOUSLY bright! Of course the room was kinda dim so the flash was blinding. Every time I took a shot, Lizzie would slam her eyes shut - only she wasn't trying to slam her eyes shut - cuz she is a ham and LOVES her picture taken! Anyway, when I took this last one - she was prepared! I laughed for a while about this!!

Her solution seems so logical doesn't it? Just manually hold your eyes open and they don't inadvertently shut on you!!

My Mama

2009-09-14T16:02:00.002-06:00

My Mom has fibromyalgia. She used to be on a cane all the time and a walker part of the time. She could not do stairs very easily - if she was in a situation she had to do them she would be super duper slow and then have lots of pain later. This year she walked a mile for the Kalogris Foundation! At this point in the picture she is feeling like she may not make it. I LOVE that two good friends, Doug on the left and Zak on the right came along beside her and encouraged her.

She did make it to the finish line! Here we are - three generations! Reagan, Mom, and I. See that joy on her face? I am so proud of her! She LOVES the Kalogris foundation, well we all do. Over 42 thousand starving people, mostly kids, are being fed every single day through this organization. 100 Percent of donations go straight to the kids - 100 %!!! Look at other organizations and you will see why this is so amazing. Go to http://www.relivkalogrisfoundation.org/US/EN/Testimonials.html to see before and after pictures of some of the kids.

It was so worth getting up at 6am and walking a mile - It would be worth much more than that actually to begin to change our world for the better.

I love my Lord

2009-09-13T08:13:00.002-06:00

I love my Lord. I came to love Him as a child and have loved Him ever since. Of course, He loved me even before I knew about Him.

When I was ill I couldn't find Him. I tried to pray, but usually just had to read Psalms as my prayers because there was nothing in me to pray. I wasn't even sure God was there - I couldn't feel Him like I had before. I was also angry at God because I did have enough faith to know that if He wanted me instantaneously well He could do that. So, why was I left to suffer?

I once heard a story of a mom tucking her little girl into bed. The little girl was scared and the mom's reply was: "Don't be scared, honey, God is here with you". To which the little girl replied: "Sometimes I just need someone with skin on".

I realize now that God was right there with me. I also realize he held me, loved me, cared for me through people all around me that had skin on - Like my precious Reagan in the picture above. This over responsible oldest child carried a heavy burden while I was sick. She was substitute Mama to Jake and Lizzie and my caregiver most of the time. I beg God to bless her 100 times what she has given to make up for the childhood things she missed out on in those five years.

Now, that I can call on God and feel Him anytime I want - I never want to forget those dark times when I could not. Because there are people out there right now in that dark place - and they need someone with skin on - I want to be that for whoever God places in my path to do so. I pray God opens my eyes, quiets my mind, and stops my own agendas so that I notice them.

Desire

2009-09-12T07:34:00.003-06:00

I heard something interesting the other day and am still pondering it. A friend was talking about people that say they want change in their lives, yet do not really do their part to bring about that change. I think I have been there at different times in all sorts of areas of my life. For some people it might be health, or weight or their job or their living situation. I also know people whose entire lives are in utter chaos all the time. Praise God I have never been there. If you look closely though, often you can see the reasons by the choices people are making.

I don't even think it is the big choices - I think it is a bunch of bad little choices that put them there. It is making poor choices every day that will eventually catch up with you.

After hearing this conversation I came away with a few things. I say I really want to lose weight and be healthy - but do I REALLY mean it? Do I mean that I am willing to be consistent and persevere? Because I think that is the key to any change - doing something consistently. In my business, people take two shakes a day - every day. It is a commitment to themselves. Those that are consistent get results, it is that simple. Have not seen ONE person that was consistent not get results in almost 3 years now, no matter what they were dealing with. The people that take one shake, sometimes two, leave their product at home when they go out of town do not get their lives changed. It seems pretty simple really. I must be willing to get up 30 minutes earlier several times a week and exercise. I must be consistent with my Slimplicity. I must say no to that cookie occasionally, etc...

When I flew in Ft Worth in February I could barely get my seat belt fastened on the plane. It was embarrassing and scary. I came home and started Slimplicity in March and began walking 20 minutes 3 days a week. I totally forgot about the seat belt. So, in August when we boarded the plane for St Louis a dread came over me. I went to buckle and I had 5 or 6 inches of extra belt!!! What a fabulous feeling!! Am I where I want to be - No way - but I am daily choosing to continue on this journey. I have the tools, my Slimplicity and my treadmill - the rest is up to me.

The main area that popped into my mind while listening to my friend was my anxiety. I never had anxiety before I was sick - but it was devastating and debilitating. I have come a long way with Reliv in this area, but there are still things I struggle with. I did not drive for four years without my mom or Sean because when I would have my reactions I wouldn't know how to get home. Well, once Reagan got her driver's license I would go out with the kids again because I knew if I got sick Reagan could drive. Well, now Reagan has left home so guess who doesn't go many places when I am the only one home? And even beyond that - I only drove with Reagan, mom or Sean - not alone. I am now bringing all of this out to accountability because guess what - I am no longer sick. I will know how to get home and so I am venturing it out. I WANT to drive again - alone - anytime I want or need to go to town. And if I really WANT to drive then it is up to me to do my part - get my butt in the car, even if I am afraid and do it. Slowly and consistently, going further all the time until I get where I want to be. Or where God wants me to be anyway.

So, I am looking at people differently. When they say they want change, I am watching their feet, not their mouths - and holding myself accountable to the same standards.

More Grabbe Goofiness

2009-09-10T07:05:00.003-06:00

My dad brought these crazy glasses to Lizzie - we had had a lot of fun with these silly things! See how big they make your eyes look?

Lizzie will just wear them into random public places. Then we all laugh at the looks she gets...some people laugh and some people must think she has some strange disease because they immediately walk quickly away as if they might catch the "robot eye bug" or something! People watching is one of our favorite things to do.

This is Reagan on the left and Laura on the right. This was taken in an airport but heavens I can't remember which one we had a lay over in on our way home from St Louis. Probably Minneapolis -but don't hold me to it! Laura is 10 and had no idea she had large breasts until she saw the picture - then she was mortified!

Lizzie loves to torture, I mean play dress up with Chica. This is a snow cone cup posing as a birthday hat. Can you see the joy in Chica's face?

Here we are in the Deer Lodge Prison. We were being goofy, but that place is seriously sad.

Lord, please be with all those incarcerated in our country today, the guilty and the falsely accused. Please bring them to you and to your salvation and bring people in their lives that will love them right where they are. Amen

Rambling Pictures from the Grabbe House!

2009-09-09T07:56:00.002-06:00

ramblings

2009-09-09T07:43:00.003-06:00

this blogs is going to be a rambling of some different things. First of all, I had an email from a fellow blogger that meant the world to know that in this vast expanse of Internet someone misses my measly blog! I think over time of sharing in someones life through their blog a friendship does occur. I miss reading all those blogs daily that I used to follow.

My life is just really busy right now. I am building a business and helping other people start and build their own businesses as well. Honestly, it is very fun. The funnest thing I have ever been a part of. I consider it a ministry. Just this past month we have helped people with fibromyalgia, energy, sleep, back pain, hypoglycemia, gosh, I could go on and on! Now many of those people are not passing it along to those they love and it is really just a chain of people helping people. I get to witness more miracles in a day than people get to experience in a lifetime - how could that not be fun. To me, God has called me to this work and that is why it is so fulfilling.

School is up and going again. Jake really wants to try to get into Julliard. It will be a hard thing, and heck if he doesn't make it he will still be way ahead just by going for it. We have two years to get him ready, so that is a full time job in itself. Lizzie is Lizzie and still the easy one. At 7 she still thinks mom and dad are wonderful! I am enjoying it because I know the day is coming soon when we will fall off of that pedestal.

I had run ins with 4 complete jerks in the past week, by the way. Two of them are bi-polar so we will give them that excuse. The other two are just self-centered, manipulative, assholes. OH - that felt good to say!!!

Grumpy

2009-08-27T08:15:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I am just grumpy and I don't know why. I feel like Lizzie's face looks in this picture. Although we know why she was grumpy, she was angry because her mean mom wouldn't let her pick up a piece of gum off the ground and bring it home to investigate in her science lab she has created in her room. Hard to imagine...

No - my grumpiness comes from down inside but I am not sure why. I am usually fairly good at identifying my feelings and expressing them. So, this grumpiness has my puzzled. I am feeling a bit stressed, torn between family time and work. I love what I do so much that sometimes I know I push my family aside and work. I admit that and then I do feel guilty. Especially when Jake, and it is almost always Jake because he demands the most attention really, speaks up and says, "I feel I am being ignored". This happened last night as a matter of fact. BUT the grumpiness was already there, so that is not the source.

I don't want school to start yet I am looking forward to getting in some kind of routine. Could be part of it, but not all. I wish we would have camped more, done more family trips this summer, could be part as well I suppose. Yea, now that I think about it, maybe it is regret. Regret mixed with guilt that I am not changing and growing as a person as fast I would like to be. I feel stuck in some areas emotionally even though I am working on them. Change does not come easy for me, but once I make up my mind I want to change I expect immediate results. OK - found the source of grumpiness, impatience with Michele!

Thanks blog - writing it all out sometimes does help me to find the source. I have found the source so now I need to treat me like I do all those around me -with compassion and grace. Cudos to me for wanting to change and trying - I just need to cheer myself on more instead of tearing me down. Got it!

Family

2009-08-24T07:54:00.004-06:00

This is Sean and I on our 22nd anniversary last month. It has been a long past few years. I am not even talking about all the stress of my illness and all the repercussions that involved. I am just talking about our family here.

Our family has been broken in many ways. Sean and I got married young and came into our marriage with lots of baggage. We had done some pretty emotionally unhealthy "dances" all of our married life until a few years ago. We didn't even see them as "dances" until we got healthy enough emotionally to notice them. When we started to try to change - it caused a lot of friction for both of us. It was painful. Our older two kids also had quite a bit of anger and resentment that began showing up. It was hard, but good that all was coming out in the open so it could actually be dealt with.

Are we on the other side? I would like to think so. Our communication as a family is much better, no one feels they have to shelve anything anymore. Sometimes we have moments that we slip back into old patterns, but we now have tools and resources to help each other in love to come back - and we have the phone number for our family therapist, which never hurts!

I don't know where this family journey will take us or how it will end. I do know it is a journey that we are committed to going through together. Maybe it is not even about where we end up, maybe it is more about the journey anyway. One day my kids will all be grown and on their own separate journeys, and at that point I will be with Sean. This is really about our journey, the kids are just icing on the cake.

I know that Sean has loved me even when I was unlovable, as I have him. I know that we are both committed to at least the next 22 years and beyond. I know this life would be a lonely place with no one to share it with and am glad for today we have each other.

As Julia's husband said to her in the movie, "You are the butter to my bread"

Inspiration

2009-08-24T07:47:00.003-06:00

I saw the movie Julie and Julia yesterday. It inspired me in many ways. I love to cook, so that area of inspiration is obvious, but it also inspired me about blogging. I have not been here in a long time to visit my blog or anyone else's for that matter. I have a blackberry now, so I am honestly hardly ever on the actual computer.

I have always enjoyed writing down my thoughts. If I need to tell someone something, it is much easier for me to get it down on paper than to just call and make a phone call. It seems I can organize my thoughts much better when writing them down. Writing seems to be some kind of release for me - kinda like cooking.

I want to make some kind of order of my life and writing down the progress seems to feel right to me somehow. I think I need to blog just for me - even if no one else ever reads it. I think I need to get my thoughts down, see my successes, revisit my failures and overcome them by seeing that even when I fail, I never give up.

I want to blog again - but what about? Right now the thoughts seem to be all trying to pour out at once and are bottle logged somewhere - I have many thoughts but nothing seems to be flowing out.

I a happy to be back.

The letter X is hard!

2009-07-27T08:48:00.002-06:00

Thinking of words that start with X is more than my little brain wants to do this morning. So - I am cheating a bit - cuz we all know that eXample does not start with X - but this is my blog and I make the rules - so today I am going to show you some Xamples of weird or odd behavior at our house this week! We toured the prison in Deer Lodge - it is actually one of our favorite tourist sites in Montana - see, we are an odd family! It is an old stone prison they used until 1979 - which still astounds me. Anyway - the girls couldn't wait to be inside a cell.

Poor Chica - yes, she is tortured endlessly around here - but heck she is so darn fun to torture! Sean made her run around and give "monkey" a horseback ride.

My mom found this at a garage sale - not sure it is weird, but I can tell you this - I will NOT be ready to see this in real life for a long time to come!

This is me, of course you knew that, I am inside one of the cells in the women's wing. It was pretty bad - they repeatedly were asked to close it down due to conditions, but never did. They continued to use it until the prison was moved in "79. I am certainly glad I could just play and open that door whenever I felt like it - something the women that were truly in there could not do.

OUCH! We floated the river and I did use sunscreen. I should have used more though - or reapplied.

This is my mother drinking out of a bowl like a cat. This was her challenge in the game "would you rather" !! I am gonna keep this one and bribe her with it later - hear that mom?

Here is Belle chewing on one of her favorite things - the toilet brush - GROSS!! She absconds with them every chance she gets!!!

And here is the BAD dog chewing on my sandal - actually this is more common than any of us would like - If you like your shoes - do not leave them on the floor or they are fair game!

Y is for Yo Yo!

2009-07-20T16:07:00.002-06:00

We went to the fair this week - 3 days of fair going actually - and those of you who know my story realize what a gift that was! We had a blast - ate lots of junk fun, spent too much money, and just had fun! BUT to Lizzie the fair meant the Yo Yo ride!! She rode this several times every single day! She was pretty excited. This was her first carnival - since I was physically unable to do things that this until just recently. Poor sheltered little thing!!

She finally got brave and raised her hands - even if it was for a brief second!

I love this one - this was her first time on it - see the terror on her face and the death grip on the chains?!

I want to also use Y to apologize to YOU - that Z you all commented on last week - was left over from the Z of the week before - was very convenient for me! :) but realize I cheated a bit... thanks for loving me anyway - and hey - Cassie never even noticed, she thought she had read it somewhere else before!! Cassie - I love you dear!!! that made my day!!

Road Trip!

2009-07-15T09:41:00.003-06:00

My mom loves baseball. I mean LOVES baseball - me - not so much. Mom and three of her buddies planned a road trip to Seattle to watch the Mariners. The week of the trip one of her friends ended up having to work - so I was recruited. I can still plainly remember when I had to take Valium just to leave my house and drive to Bozeman - 5 miles away. What a blessing to be able to get into a car with no fear and drive to Seattle!! The game was really fun. Seattle won - woo hoo!! This is me, mom, and our good friend, Mary. What a grin she has! We ate too much junk food and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly!! It was really fun. And guess what - ssshhh - don't tell my mom - but I might have just caught a bit of the baseball bug! I would go back in a heartbeat - IF we do it in 5 days instead of 4 - because driving every day got really old! I am not a big car person.

I am just so grateful to God for all the healing He has done in my life. I never have to go back to that dark, lonely place I used to live in and I am very grateful for that. Praise God for health, family, friends and BASEBALL!!!

Z is for Zombies!!

2009-07-07T12:04:00.003-06:00

I have tried to raise my kids right - taken them to church since they were small - prayed with them - taught them there are no such thing as "monsters". This is one of my son's favorite books. He has read it many times and will still pick it up occasionally. I know more about surviving Zombies than I hope to ever need to know. "mom, the safest place to go is to the end of a dock and then remove the wood in between you and the land because Zombies don't like water." Me - "Jake, there are no such thing as Zombies." Jake - *big grin* Jake - "mom - NEVER hide anywhere with a lot of other people. Zombies are attracted to noise." Me - "Jake, there really are NO zombies." Jake - *Laughs out Loud* * hysterically*

Have you heard of this book yet - It is Pride and Prejudice re-written and Zombies are added in! The original P and P is one of Reagan's favorite books. This was the first MUST read book of the summer for her. I just think it is weird. Of course, I had trouble getting through the regular P and P - all those weird ways they say things - I never really knew what was going on anyway. Then throw in Zombies and AAARRRGGHHHHH!! NOT for me - but she enjoyed it very much.

And last but not least - Lizzie - sweet adorable Lizzie - she LOVES Scooby Doo and all their Zombie chasing adventures... Zoinks!! what is a Mother to do???

Yesterday Lyrics

2009-06-29T04:17:00.002-06:00

"Yesterday, All my troubles seemed so far away, Now it looks as though they're here to stay, Oh, I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be, There's a shadow hanging over me, Oh, yesterday came suddenly. Why she Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say. I said, Something wrong, now I long for yesterday. Yesterday, Love was such an easy game to play, Now I need a place to hide away, Oh, I believe in yesterday. Why she Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say. I said, Something wrong, now I long for yesterday. Yesterday, Love was such an easy game to play, Now I need a place to hide away, Oh, I believe in yesterday. "

Do you know that I never really cared for the Beatles. I am not sure why - cuz now I LOVE them! My oldest daughter, Reagan has loved the Beatles for years. It was at her insistence I finally listened enough to begin to like them. I have learned more from my kids than they will probably ever learn from me.

92 Degrees

2009-06-28T16:19:00.002-06:00

It is in the 90's here today. Probably not too hot for the rest of you, but considering it was in the 60's last week - we were HOT! So, time for the kiddie pool - and yes, I was the crazy, fat neighbor lady out in the kiddie pool!! I almost didn't include this picture because of the hideously ugly trailer in the background...then I laughed and decided I would blog that story tomorrow - cuz I hate that trailer but my husband LOVES it... aaaarrrrgggghhhhh!

Anyway, I couldn't resist getting in the kiddie pool, cuz Lizzie begged me, and who could resist that little thing????

Procrastination

2009-06-27T16:44:00.003-06:00

I can be a BIG procrastinator...especially when it comes to house work. I can find almost anything to avoid actually cleaning. OR I just barely get by, I bribe myself - "If I get the kitchen clean, then I can go do such and such..." Yes, that was my conversation with myself.

Well, the other day, Reagan was over and she was looking in the fridge and exclaimed, "MOM - tell me those are not the chicken and dumplings from last semester!!" Well, you know what? They were one and the same!! It was a bit of a wake up call - and I did get that fridge cleaned out. It looks quite beautiful now, don't you think?

Beautiful and Bare. In fact, Lizzie came through and exclaimed, "oh no, now we have NO food!"

W and X!!

2009-06-22T08:00:00.002-06:00

I missed last week, so I am combining W and X today - to bring you this Wonderful, X-rated picture: It is wonderful because Lizzie and Chica were lounging in the sun together...and X-rated because Chica is not being very modest!!! I should have thrown something over her nether regions, like a Kleenex maybe?

Happy A - Z Monday!!!

busy

2009-06-18T12:02:00.002-06:00

I have been VERY busy!! but I am missing all of you and your blogs! can't wait to get plugged back in soon!! in the meantime - here is Belle!!

2009-06-11T19:25:00.003-06:00

My mom is home. She came home yesterday from Missouri and brought my nephew. My kids are really excited to get some cousin time. Since Sean and I each only have one sister and Sean's sis doesn't have any kids - my kid's only have two cousins, my sister's two kids. They had not seen each other since last summer.

I am not sure what my mom thought about her new "grand"dog - as she pooped in her house TWICE in the hour and a half we were over there. Might have been the rotten egg she found and ate yesterday afternoon. Yep - the East bunny must have hidden that one a little too well, because Bell came flying out of a bush with her "prize" and there was no catching her. She does that, by the way, when she gets something she knows she shouldn't have - she runs like the devil and there is NO catching her. She does not run off or out of reach, no she is much more frustrating than that - she runs in circles around you or the bushes or just a few feet from reach. Naughty dog!!

Or she may have had a little to much roughage from the bag of Bone meal Grandma had bought for the garden. You know that bag she found in the garage and ripped open and spread all over the driveway and ate and ate and shared with her partner in crime Chica? Yea - that Bone meal. The bag says - "Contains some ingredients that may be attractive to animals but might be harmful to them".

So the vet got two calls from me yesterday... we were told what to watch for, but none of it transpired. She is fine today. Didn't faze her one bit - a 3 month old egg or the bone meal. Well, Grandma's carpet might have a different opinion...

Here she is looking all innocent. She is really not sleeping, but the flash in my phone is very bright and she now closes her eyes when she hears the camera click. She apparently loves rotten eggs but not bright lights. Go figure...

Grandma Mary

2009-06-09T08:43:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I read Dawn's Post about her Grandma and I have not been able to get mine off of my mind since then. Sometimes getting things out in writing is healing for me - so I am going to tell you about my Grandma Mary. Feel free to doze off and wake up at the end to comment - because this is really just for me - and probably will bore you to tears anyway.

I am the youngest of five cousins on my mom's side of the family. The first two, Stephen and Robin are a year apart, and then Janell and my sister, Phoebe, are also a year apart. Then there was me. When we were all together a couple of times a year, they would grab their partner in crime and head off on their adventures and I was usually left alone - too young to be any fun for any of them. Grandma was my playmate. I can remember Grandma putting down whatever she was cooking and coming outside and swinging with me. Or getting me started on some project that would occupy my time. I never remember her telling me she was too busy for me. Sometimes I might have to wait a few minutes for her to turn off the stove or finish washing dishes, but then we would be off on our own adventure.

My Grandma lived in Artesia, NM, a small town. All my life I can remember if she heard a fire truck she would drop whatever she was doing, grab her purse and we would jump in the car to chase the fire truck. Being married to a Fireman now - I realize that was so totally illegal - but, boy, was it ever fun!!

I am named after my Grandma - yes my first name is Mary. My Lizzie is named after her as well, as she was Mary Elizabeth. Lizzie was the youngest Great Grandkid and Grandma got a kick out of her! She would just sit in her chair and watch her and smile. I will never forget that smile. She was too old to chase firetrucks by then.

The night my grandma passed away I was the only grandchild not present. I was very ill at the time and unable to travel. I still feel very sad about that. I will never forget that night though. I was lying on my bed and I suddenly felt her there. I can't describe it to you - but I knew the moment she passed away - I felt it in my soul. I tried to call my mom - no answer. I went downstairs to be near my kids and Lizzie was 3 at the time. I hadn't said a word to anyone about what I had experienced upstairs yet - Lizzie was standing in the middle of the living room, she pointed out the French doors and said - "There's Grandma Mary". Just like that. So, even though I was unable to go and say goodbye to her, she came to me. She made a pit stop on the way to her last great adventure. I feel so honored by that.

I have quite a few of my Grandma's kitchen things. I use them and I feel just a little bit closer to her. The hole in my heart right now feels just as big as it ever did - years later I still miss her terribly. I wish I could walk in her back door and smell the comfort of being in her house. I wish I could sit down with her and play cards. I can't do any of those things. I can be grateful for all that she instilled in me that is good and honorable. I can look forward to the day that I will get the chance to use her example and never be too busy for my grandkids - NOT anytime too soon though! AAAARRGGGHHH I just woke myself up to reality - NOT ready to be Grandma yet! But so glad I had the one I had.

V is for Victory!

2009-06-08T18:18:00.001-06:00

Reagan is Victorious!! She ran the 5K Governor's cup on Saturday. She is victorious, but no she did not actually win first place, or even second - I think she was in the middle of the pack somewhere. She did improve her time from the last 5K she ran though.

Reagan is victorious because she has lost 5 clothes sizes in the past 2 1/2 yrs. She is victorious because she LOVES to run! And I believe if you are doing what you LOVE then you are successful. Mostly I say she is victorious because I am her mother - that's why!! :)

She has inspired me and I have now gone down one clothes size in 3 months!! Not too shabby - and just today when I was starving but not allowing myself to eat, she reminded me that I am losing pounds and inches and NOT starving myself, so why should I start now? She is SO smart! She said, "Mom, what you are doing is working - why change it?" Smart kid!! Also - did I mention she is Victorious because she has a 3.74 GPA and made the Dean's List at MSU?!!

Life

2009-06-07T17:17:00.002-06:00

Life is funny, there are ups and there are downs and there are in betweens. I think I spend more time in between than anywhere. That is not half bad though - in betweens are better than downs I tell you! I have spent my fair share of time in the downs. Do they build character? Yes, of course, and good does usually come around in the end and the downs help me be humble, and compassionate toward others and blah blah blah - but I will say it again - the downs are just plain NO fun.

The ups are good - the ups keep me going in the between and down times. The ups are what life is about and what makes life worth persevering through. But what if, and I mean a big what IF life is really about the in between times. The times when we must create our own motivation because it doesn't just flow like it does during the up times. What if the in betweens are where the real personal growth happens - like a hiatus to regroup, rethink things through and figure out where I am really heading and is it even where I desire to be going?

I am in an in between time right now. It is not as exciting as an up time, but it is a lot better than a down time - I would describe it as peaceful. Peaceful is good. I will just enjoy it for now, regroup and get my game plan going - what kind of wife do I want to me? Which kid needs what from me now as a mother? Where does work fit in? Mostly - am I doing the things on a daily, consistent basis that God is calling me to do? Because the more I do that - the more peace will be in my future - and honestly, I like peace. So, until life throws me a few ups and downs, I will enjoy my vacation time in between.

Reagan is 18

2009-06-04T08:02:00.002-06:00

I can not believe my oldest baby turned 18 yesterday! She has been such a joy all of her life. Well, except her birth really. I should blog about that someday - it is a pretty funny story. I arrived at the hospital at 7:30 and she was born at 7:58. Yep - funny story. We had the greatest day. Reagan, Lizzie and I had lunch. Then Lizzie got dropped off at a friends and Reagan and I went for massages. Then the whole family met up at the pond and we took a walk - and found this great photo op!

Then we went to see the new Disney movie - Up. I would highly recommend it to anyone. It is a great story. A story about having dreams and then letting everyday life get in the way of those dreams and then before we know it - we didn't do what we set out to do. Then a Great recovery in the end - Go see it! You will laugh and maybe tear up a bit...

Lizzie has started a new tradition in our family. Lizzie picked out the cake - Red Velvet. I tried to persuade her otherwise, coaxed, prodded, but honestly it was the only cake with Roses - and that is what she wanted for her sister. We got it late on Tuesday night and no one was at the bakery to write on it - so Lizzie did it. She added an 18 and Reagan's name. She did better than I thought she would! NOW - all the kids want red velvet cake for their birthdays. I guess I better figure out how to make it - but honestly - I don't know if I can force myself to pour an ENTIRE bottle of red food coloring into the batter. Call me old fashioned - but that seems excessive, doesn't it? Overkill?? Well, we have a rule around here - on birthdays they get to choose their meal and usually their cake....so guess I am stuck with the red - like it or not. This year Reagan said, "surprise me" - looks like the surprise is on me!

Chica and Bella

2009-06-02T11:01:00.002-06:00

Well, Chica is really starting to play with Bella. It has not been an easy process, as Chica did not even realize she was a dog before the past few weeks. She is now really starting to enjoy playing and even initiates play often, which surprises me. Sorry this photo is blurry - they were moving very fast!

The playing is over and they have curled up in between to Sean's legs to sleep.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ - this is rare to see Bella this still. She is a very active dog. This is NOT rare to see Chica this still, it is more rare to see her active! :)

and Yes, in closing, my husband is a dork - he IS totally wearing wool socks with his sandals - and flip flops to boot!!

U is for Umbrella!

2009-06-01T13:37:00.001-06:00

From the view out my office window - we may need one today! It was in the 80's for 3 days...now it is 50 -something. That's Montana for you - if you don't like the weather just a few minutes it might change.

Lessons Learned

2009-05-29T07:40:00.002-06:00

I don't think I will earn the trip to Atlantis. I am really not all that sad, I think I have peace in knowing I did all I could do, it just was not the right timing. I trust God in all aspects of my life, and this is no exception. I have helped a lot of people this month, and honestly you can't put a price tag on that. Don't get me wrong, there was money earned, a significant amount actually if I look at the fact I really only worked about 25 hrs a week, but the money is just a side affect. I learned quite a bit about myself and life in general this past month, which will pay me far more than money in the long run.

- My kids are the most important thing in my life, and if I am a complete success at Reliv and fail with my family - I am no success at all.

- I cleaned teeth for 11 yrs, did other jobs before that, and realize for the first time in my life - I LOVE what I do. I feel like I was born to do this. I never liked school, because it felt like work. As a hygienist, I enjoyed the people, but the rest of the job just felt like work. Anything that resembled work - I disliked. Reliv does not feel like work to me - It feels like Fun!! That is why #1 is #1 - because this month I realized that I can get swept up in this and push my kids aside - it was a reality check for me. I can always do Reliv, and will for the rest of my life - but my kids will not always be here. So I want to plug into them 100% for now and do Reliv around them, not instead of them.

- I have also learned that you can't save someone who does not want to be saved. I have been putting 90% of my energy in people that are not wanting to move forward and 10% of my energy in the ones that do. I am going to do a 180 on that equation. I will continue to love and help those that seem stuck, but they will only get 10% of my effort. After all, I am giving up precious time with my family anytime I am working, so they need to respect my time as well.

- I have learned that I can set goals and accomplish those goals. I have always been afraid of goals because if I didn't reach them I thought I was a failure. Even though I did not make Atlantis, I reached every single one of my goals as far as what was within my control. That is a good feeling and the reason why I have complete peace.

I will close with two quotes that seem fitting at the moment:

"A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business." Henry Ford

"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm." Winston Churchill

Bella - 10 weeks

2009-05-27T11:12:00.000-06:00

Invisible Plane

2009-05-14T08:03:00.003-06:00

It has happened, I am seeing things that are not there. The other morning as I sat at my desk praying, I opened my eyes and saw a plane cruising down the little 2 - lane road a few miles from our house. I did a double take - I blinked, looked again and sure enough there was a small jet cruising down that road! I hollered at the kids - they came SLOWLY and by then it was out of site!

I persuaded them to throw on some clothes - well, Lizzie, because her favorite attire is underwear only - and we jumped in the car to go find the plane. Lizzie was complaining and I said, "Hey, we are going on an adventure!" Jake didn't believe me for one second - so I could not wait to get over there and show him that plane. Well, we got there, NO plane in sight! There was a yard receiving lots of attention from big dump trucks - that is our guess that I saw one of the large trucks and thought it an airplane.

Needless to say - I have not lived that morning down yet. Jake keeps threatening to take me to the Asylum. I swear to you I can still see that image in my mind - I really thought there was a plane! It is really pretty hilarious. I am sure they will remind of that morning for years to come - and with good reason, I suppose.

I have been absent from my blog - I am working really hard, trying to earn a trip promotion to Atlantis. At this point it will take a plain ole miracle to get me there, but I refuse to give up until all hope is lost. I can't explain it, logically, it would be impossible to get there, but something keeps telling me I am gonna make it - so I keep trying. In the meantime, I am seeing a lot of people's lives changing - and Atlantis or no Atlantis, that makes all the hard work well worth it! Please know I miss you and will be on sporadic the rest of this month - please don't forget me!

"R" is for Reagan

2009-05-11T06:55:00.002-06:00

Reagan wrote this poem, and beautifully framed it and gave it to me for Mother's Day:

What's it called when love is moving

through you so strongly you could drown?

Or when silence is so quiet it actually makes a sound?

Can a flower give you hope, like a

raindrop makes you wet?

If you sold all your compassion,

how much would you get?

If trust is what filled the oceans,

would you live a life at sea?

Or climb the highest mountain tops,

avoiding smallest streams?

Can passion make you dizzy?

Can courage make you blind?

Can kisses all be counted?

And if so in how much time?

If happiness only grew under the water

of the sea, are you sitting on the dock?

Or in a submarine?

What if people only fell in love to the

sound of a melodious ring?

Would you be the one to listen?

Or be the first to sing?

If you knew the angels voices were louder

than the monsters under your bed.

Would you still worry about tomorrow?

Or sleep with peace instead?

Knowledge we might have.

And wisdom we might gain.

But until we look inside ourselves

These questions still remain.

By Reagan Len Grabbe - 5/2009

Mom

2009-05-09T20:09:00.003-06:00

Dear Mom,

Tomorrow is Mother's day and as some things never change - I thought it was next week until yesterday! So, I did NOT get a card in the mail. I will try to make it up to you next month when you come back home. We can celebrate your birthday and Mother's day all together.

I want to thank you for all those years you never complained about driving me to and from swim practice - even twice a day at times. You were always willing to haul me and my friends to movies, the mall or whatever activities we chose. I can not think back on one time hearing you complain. I wish my kids could say that, but realize they can not.

I thank you for teaching me from an early age that I came from genes of very strong women. Women that could overcome whatever came their way, as long as they leaned on their Lord and the other strong women they surrounded themselves with. I thank you for always being an example of pushing through the hard stuff and never giving up.

I thank you for always making me feel special. I felt like I was a treasure to you and that is a gift that can never be re payed. I thank you for listening to me when you were tired, helping me sort through my feelings and identify my emotions and helping me come to the other side of knowing what to do with it all.

I especially want to thank you for all of your support during my years of illness. I can tell you right now, if it would not have been for you and Sean during those years, I would have killed myself. It is a hard thing to say, but I know in my heart it is true. You guys stuck with me and persevered in helping me go to doctor after doctor, treatment after treatment. You were never willing to give up on me. When I would decide to throw in the towel and think I was just going to have to live that way - you never allowed me to give up. For this, I will forever be indebted to you.

I promise to you to be more patient. I know you are getting older and things that used to not bother you are now starting to. I will try to be more patient with your impatience. I realize that it may seem little to me, but to you it may seem like a big deal. I promise to listen to you more and really try to hear what you are needing from me. I promise to be there for you in the years ahead, just as you have always been there for me.

I hope you realize that you are an amazing woman and an amazing mother and I am very blessed that you are mine.

I love you - Michele

Fear of Failure

2009-05-07T10:33:00.002-06:00

A good friend and I had quite a discussion about the fear of failure yesterday. She has found herself in that place recently, that place where the fear of failure is immobilizing her. I can strongly identify, as I have had the fear of failure all my life in so many different areas. I had an over achieving older sister, that was also my father's favorite. I always had the mentality that if I didn't really put forth true effort - if I didn't try with a whole heart attitude then when it didn't work - I wasn't really a failure. On the other hand,what if I what if I gave my all, I tried my hardest and didn't succeed? Then I would truly be a failure.

I don't want to claim that these thoughts never cross my mind anymore - but I have learned quite a bit in this area over the past few years. I have come to realize that if I don't do anything - failure is a sure thing. I also know that when God calls me to something, I can be like Jonah and run and and be miserable, or I can trust that He has a plan and give him all of me and see what happens. Honestly, that is what has helped me overcome my fear of failure more than anything else, the fulfillment of doing what God calls me to do and seeing the fruit He produces is truly healing for me.

I know one thing, the times I grow the very most are the times I come out of my comfort zone. I rarely grow when I am feeling comfortable, it is when I am willing to be uncomfortable that I grow. I have learned that I want more than anything else to be a woman of integrity. A woman that does what she says she will do when she says she will do it. A woman that her family, friends, co - workers, and customers can depend on without question.

Abraham Lincoln is a great example of failure leading to success - if he would have quit after one or two failures, we would have never even heard of him. I can't help but wonder how many "Abraham's" are out there that did give up one or two failures too soon and never made it to the other side to see the success of where God truly wanted to lead them.

I just think - "Where do I want to be in 20 yrs?" and "Is the path I am on today going to get me there?" I know one thing - I do not want to look back 20 years from now and wish I would have done more... I do not want to have regrets - things I knew I was called to do, but let fear immobilize me to the point I did not do them. I am living today to the fullest - I am looking at what has eternal value, not temporary value, and I am investing in those things. The most important things with eternal value - I believe - are people. I am investing in people. You know some of them will just flat knock you on your back, then walk on you as they walk on by. I will NOT let those people rob me of the joy of continuing this journey. The joys far out weigh the heartaches. I wonder why the heartaches seem to stand out more than the joys at times. Maybe it is just my perspective - maybe I am choosing to remember the one that stomped on me instead of focusing on the ten that I was able to help. I choose to allow myself to keep getting up, dusting off that dirt, and moving forward. Staying down in the dirt, is not an option for me.

Question...

2009-05-04T09:49:00.003-06:00

It is A - Z Monday over at Unglazed...

I just have one Question for Q monday -

WHY THE heck did I think it was a good idea to get a new puppy?

we have not slept more than 4 hours a night for three nights and it is catching up ...

to answer your questions: NO we are not giving in -

Yes - she is downstairs and we are upstairs

Yes - we will buy earplugs this very day

Bella

2009-05-03T18:35:00.003-06:00

I know you were all wondering how Chica would handle the new addition - well, she has mostly ignored her, much to Bella's distress. Bella would love for Chica to get rowdy and run around with her, but Chica is mostly ignoring Bella. It is a good thing though, because Chica has not acted overly put out about Bella and in fact, will go over and sniff her when she falls asleep. I am hoping they will eventually be good friends.

Reagan apparently makes a good bed. Reagan is hoping for a new running partner - we will see how that pans out. I am excited, the more exercise Bella gets the less energy she will need to burn off!

Here is the entire clan - I am not sure why Jake feels it is his job to make weird faces in pictures, most of the ones I have of him he is doing something like this... ??

Here is Bella - up close and personal.

Introducing...

2009-05-02T15:28:00.003-06:00

Isabella May Grabbe "Bell" - Wait - that is NOT Bell - that is a human child... being silly.

This is not Bell either - boy, if we would have known how much Lizzie would enjoy the crate, we would have bought one for her years ago... It might have made life much easier when she was 2 - oh - never mind, guess that would be classified as child abuse...

This is her face when I MADE her get OUT of the kennel - I promise - I did not force her inside, I forced her to get out!!

NOW - with out further adieu - Introducing our new addition - Bell -

Well, that is her back end - she is not a camera ham like Lizzie apparently - funny to think in a few short months she will grow into this kennel. It seems to swallow her whole for now...

Here she is - Isabella - but you can't even see her cute blue eyes or her cute tail - but have no fear - this blog will be dedicated to her for the next few weeks or months or however long I want - cuz it is MY blog - that's why! So, you will be seeing so many pictures of her you will get sick and tired of her - but how could you with all that sweetness?

Dreams

2009-05-01T08:20:00.003-06:00

I feel like my eyes are wide open and I am seeing life for what it is for the first time in my adult life. I think as kids we feel anything is possible, but somehow as we mature we begin to see limits and then set limits on ourselves and others. I think we have a few failures and then begin to doubt that anything is possible. We may still believe things are possible, but not always to us.

I think that is where I was - I had given up on lots of hopes and dreams and was just settling for mediocrity. Life gets busy, things get pushed out of the way, and before I knew it, that dream seemed like a far distant memory....

Well, NOT anymore!! I am dreaming bigger than I have ever dreamed. I am a successful business woman running a thriving business, that has not been affected in this economy - other than to grow. I am a successful mom with three beautiful, fun, persistent, hard working children. I get to witness miracles everyday within our own family and in those around me that God puts in my path. I am not afraid to dream anymore - I am not afraid to fall flat on my face in failure in trying to achieve those dreams. I now know all I have to do is get up, wipe the dust off and start going again. God is a God of miracles and second chances!!

Miracles He has allowed me to witness this week:

* 18 yr old college student who has suffered with migraines since the age of 3. She was experiencing daily headaches and 3 -4 migraines a week. Now, daily headache free and has only had 1 migraine in 3 months!!

* A wonderful sweet lady that I met at the mall - she was having 4 low blood sugar episodes a day with shaking and foggy thinking - Not one low blood sugar episode in two months, not one since her very first Reliv shake!!

* An elderly lady with a history of cancer and chemotherapy - she had never recovered her energy or stamina - she actually sent me a thank you card - my FIRST Reliv thank you card - she said, "I am so grateful you shared with me. I feel like before I was just existing and now I am living again!" OH my - I get thank you calls quite a bit, but the card shocked me - I will keep it forever!

* A gentlemen with bipolar that started just last Friday and told me yesterday he has a better sense of well - being already - He will be fun to watch!! I can't wait to see what happens for him.

* A type 2 diabetic whose fasting blood sugars have dropped from 220 to 119 in two months

* A VERY dear friend who suddenly began having extreme panic attacks and anxiety, after 2 weeks she is now sleeping all night and has not had a panic attack since starting the products

I could go on and on - but Dreams are coming true all over this nation, well and the world, to be honest. I am so very blessed to watch my own come true and now help others watch theirs come true as well!!

I am gonna continue to listen to God's voice each day, follow where He leads and dream big - because I know He is dreaming big with me and for me - He is a God of miracles, so look around you - you just might see one!

"P" is for....Princess

2009-04-27T05:29:00.002-06:00

We were through having kids when God surprised us with this... A Princess!!
All three of my children are wonderful and a true blessing. I am not partial to Lizzie nor do I love her more, but I do seem to be enjoying her more.

I wish when Reagan and Jake were young I would have taken the time to played with them more, read with them more, just flat enjoyed them more. I was a young mom when they were young - I was a busy working mom that had things to do - dad gum it!! I wish I would have known then what I know now - Don't sweat the small stuff, it all has a way of working out in the end anyway.

Yesterday we were doing a clean up because it is always nice to start Monday off with some semblance of order in the house. I gave Lizzie a job which made me cringe a little, but I need to let her start learning how to do bigger jobs, even if it means a bit of a mess for now. She had the window cleaner and a roll of paper towels. I looked over and see her trying to clean 20 squirts of cleaner with one very damp, soaked paper towel on the French doors.

Me: "Hey, baby, you might want to pull 3 or 4 off of the roll to use at once on those doors."

Lizzie: "Have you ever heard of WASTE?"

Me: "Well, sometimes, when you are cleaning, you need a little bit more. You are not wasting it if you are actually using them for something." (I guess the over excessive spray was NOT wasteful to a 7 yr old thinking...)

Lizzie: Holding the paper towels over her head and glaring at me from across the room, "MOM, do you know they make these things out of TREES?!"

So Sad...

2009-04-26T06:43:00.002-06:00

I just found out a dear friend passed away last night. Verne was the husband of our Deacon at St James. They are precious people. He has been sick as long as I have known them...

Verne - I am sad because of the large void you have left behind. I am sad because I know Roxanne will be so lonely. I am also happy - happy you are not struggling to breath anymore. Happy that you no longer have the physical limitations on you, Happy you are with our Lord right now.

May He bring peace to your family and friends. It was an honor to know you.

Puppies

2009-04-25T20:46:00.004-06:00

Today was the day - Choosing time!! It was HARD too!! Imagine 8 of these cuties all running around and having to pick ONE!

On the way over, we all decided we would defer to the puppy that Sean thought was the right one for our family. It is his 40th birthday gift after all!

This is OUR new puppy!!! She went NUTS over that bird wing! She should be a great field dog. She had great conformation and a really good disposition. We all loved her.

We also loved every single one of her sisters? Aren't they precious? At this point, I was glad I had been wise enough to say Sean got last say - cuz I could NOT have done it - NO WAY!!

They were all so cuddly and so sweet. We had a lot of fun playing with all of them. Is there anything more precious than a puppy?

I will admit, after spending an hour constantly chasing these little suckers around, I am feeling a little apprehensive. They found their way into ANYthing and EVERYthing!

This was the only time I even saw one sit still for a second.

Jake is very excited. This is NOT the puppy we chose, but he didn't really care which one we got, as long as we got one. It is NICE to have something the whole family is involved in.

Here they are all chasing the bird wing on a string, Sean was teasing them with it. That is our puppy on your far right, but we didn't know she was the one yet in this shot.

Yep, nothing quite as wonderful as a roly poly puppy. The stork will deliver her to our house next Friday - 6 days!! Woo hoo!!! And NO - she does not have a name yet, for now just call her "Ole What's Her name" that is what I am doing.

Thanks Cassie!!

2009-04-25T20:38:00.003-06:00

Chica got a package in the mail!!! It was from Cassie's wonderful pups! I would have liked to see them at the post office... anyway, she got this lovely shirt, which unfortunately could come in quite handy and fit her well!

I don't have a picture yet, but she also got a cat toy - which she LOVES!!

Cassie - all her favorite toys are cats! She has a turkey she never touches and a bear she hardly ever gets - but she brings her squeaky cats to us all the time!! GREAT choice!! and feathers as well, another one of her favorites!! Thanks Cassie!!!! You are the best!

"Can't Make me!"

2009-04-24T15:28:00.002-06:00

" I will NOT come outside, I WILL not - and YOU can't MAKE me, nany nany boo boo!!"

Still Snowing...

2009-04-24T10:34:00.002-06:00

Yep, got up this morning and it was still snowing!!! Looks like we have about 8 inches or more....

Jake, Lizzie and I have NO place to go today - woo hoo!! think we will hunker down, watch some movies, drink cocoa, eat comfort food and play in the snow a bit! It should be really wet this time of year and will hopefully stick together for some snow creatures!! By the way, Dolly and Dancer are both inside that lean to exclaiming - "What the Heck? It was 70 two days ago!!!!"

Our House Today...4/23/2009

2009-04-23T16:51:00.003-06:00

Dance like snowflakes, dance like snowflakes

In the air, in the air

Whirling, twirling snowflakes

Here and there, here and there

Lizzie just looked out the window and exclaimed - "It's like Christmas all over again!"

Lizzie is Reading!

2009-04-23T07:43:00.002-06:00

It has finally clicked - she has been on the verge for months -she could sound out the words, she could read the books, she just didn't realize it yet or enjoy it. BUT that has all changed this week - she is reading everything she picks up and everything she sees out in the world!! Woo Hoo!! So fun to watch that transition - now the world is truly her oyster and she can go anywhere she wants to go and do anything she wants to do - books open up a whole new universe!

Sunshine!

2009-04-21T07:05:00.002-06:00

It is spring in Montana! Look at the sunshine. Oh - look how it brings a smile to the young child's face... OH wait - she is just a camera ham... Seriously, though, isn't the sun lovely?

Even Jake emerges from his cave when the sun is shining. I am making that up - Jake swings hours a day, everyday, even if it is raining. This is the log swing Sean built to accommodate our 6 ft, 230 lb swing addict. But, it looks so much more fun and wonderful while the sun is shining down on them!

Here is Chica basking in the warmth - this is the weather of her people! Yes, the sun is shining - but I do not kid myself - it will snow again. It is only April after all. Since moving to Montana from Texas in 1998 I have seen snow every month except in July. I am waiting for that one though - I have heard stories from native Montanans that remember snow on July 4th. But, I will put that out of my mind for today, because for today - We have SUNSHINE!! Glorious Sunshine!!!

The Letter "O"...

2009-04-20T13:39:00.003-06:00

O nO!!! Wisdom Teeth remOval!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jake is doing well, NOW - that first hour and a half was just weird - he was mean and aggressive. He tried to get out of the car while I was going 45 miles an hour!! Silly kid!

He is now resting! Thank God!

Need Coffee?

2009-04-18T13:21:00.002-06:00

"Don't tell me it is morning already."

Happy Friday

2009-04-17T09:14:00.003-06:00

Happy Friday. Last Friday was Good Friday. I was raised Southern Baptist. I think we went to Good Friday services - I am sure I knew that Christ died on Friday and arose on Sunday. But, honestly, Sunday was mostly about getting a new dress and wanting to look as nice as my friends did on Easter morning. I am not trying to bash Baptists or any other faith. Heck, we will all be up in heaven together and we need to spend time focusing on what brings us together and not what pulls us apart. I am sure I was just not getting all that was being presented to me in that church.

When I started dating Sean, he was Episcopalian. They didn't go much - Easter and Christmas Eve. Yet, once Sean started attending the Baptist church with me, his mom was very angry about that. In fact, on Sunday morning, while his family slept, he would sneak out to the carport and push is jeep out into the alley so they wouldn't hear him start it. While growing up, Sean spent a lot of time with his Grandma. She had a very strong faith. I am so grateful to her because I honestly believe so much of the good things I love about my husband were instilled in him by that precious lady.

The first time I attended the Episcopal church - I thought it was crazy. I was cynical. I didn't understand how reading prayers could be fresh and real. I thought those people were just "going thru the ropes" and not being heartfelt in their worship. I can be very judgemental about things that I don't understand.

Now, I have been active in the Episcopal Church for years. I LOVE it! To go thru the entire Lenten season of 40 days of making a sacrifice, even as small as it was, helps me to keep thoughts of my Saviour's sacrifice close in thought. Then to go through all the services on Holy Week, I really felt like I had seen a small part of the process Christ went thru that week before His death and resurrection. Saturday night we have an Easter Vigil. The service starts dark and as we get through the service we go from sadness to joy. It was very emotional for me. I was filled with joy!

I really get so filled with gratitude that it feels like it will overtake me - it starts in my chest and begins to grow all over my body. I wish I had words to express it. There are none. A woman that used to not be able to get out of bed or leave her home is now worshiping God by singing in the choir, volunteering at a pregnancy crisis center, and now, through an amazing business, spreading hope to other people daily! God has given me my own mini resurrection. I hope that is not offensive to anyone, but I truly feel that way. I had NO hope and now my life is filled with more hope than I ever dreamed possible again.

Last Friday was good Friday - but because of that day - today can be a great Friday, and tomorrow and EVERY day is filled with hope. He didn't just bring us hope all those years ago - He is bringing miracles every single day NOW!! He is still the God of miracles, and I am so grateful!

Dream Chaser

2009-04-16T07:54:00.002-06:00

You know, there are just people that enjoy drama - I am NOT one of them. There are people that are not happy and want everyone around them to be as miserable as they are - I am NOT into those kind of people. It is sad really. All my life though, I have given people like that the benefit of the doubt and been compassionate, and you know what, seems I always end up drawn into their drama!! I HATE that!

I have found a solution - there is no science behind this, I am just making it up as I go along, but it makes sense to me. Kinda like that run-on sentence...anyway... This is what I think - 95% of people in a crisis or bad situation truly want to get out of it. I hesitate to call them "victims" but honestly, I am talking about good people that are in situations out of their control. The other 5% want to be exactly where they are so they can whine and moan about it. I do not even know if this is on a conscience level, but they are the people that make repetitive bad choices and refuse to look to themselves for change and continue to blame everyone and everything around them for where they are. These are the people I have found that steal my dreams - because I allow them to. Or - I always have in the past.

I have found something that helps. If I keep my eyes on where I want to be, and keep moving forward - soon those people are long behind me. In the past, I felt guilty deserting them and stayed with them and tried to help them, but they were not matching my efforts. These types of people will just suck the life right out of you if you stay long enough. I am learning to run!! I will match their efforts 100% - but if they are not giving any effort on their own, I am now just moving forward. There is a difference in being compassionate and being a door mat. Glad at 40 I am finally figuring it out!

"I'm a dream chaser, a star gazer, that's what I am. But I've always known I'd come back home when I found my rainbows end. Rainmakers and heartbreakers could never change my plans. Dream chaser, that's what I am." The Judds

Red

2009-04-14T08:42:00.002-06:00

Red was a gift to us in Odessa, TX in 1994. My husband, Sean, had hunted with some fellows in New Mexico for several years. Robert was one of the men. He was a neat guy, who has since lost his teenage son in an automobile accident. I always feel bad for any parent that loses a child, it must me the most horrible pain.

Robert bred German Shorthair pups. He had one litter with 2 left over males no one had taken. I guess Robert had taken a liking to Sean, so we got a call and he was gonna give us one of the pups. Sean headed off to New Mexico and came home with a 3 month old, "Red".

We were pretty excited, especially Sean. That dog was a nightmare in so many ways... over the years he ate through a wooden fence, well, more than one actually. Then while we had him chained in the front yard, you know, with one of those stakes that you screw an entire foot into the ground? Well, he was staked in the front yard while the new cinder block fence was being installed... He actually pulled that entire stake out of the ground and was gone. He returned hours later, still dragging that 20ft cord attached to the muddy stake!! He was an escape artist. He escaped more times than I can even count. Once we moved to Montana he was in an 8 foot tall chain link Kennel - he quickly learned how to climb the chain link. So, he was cabled inside his kennel - can't tell you how many times we could come home and there was Red, on the outside of the kennel, chain attached, just standing there because there was not enough slack to do anything else. Wish I had pictures of that!!

He HATED cats with a passion. Once we came home from church and he had pushed the unlocked sliding door into the house open. The first site that greeted me was the living room - all couch cushions off the couch, chairs upside down or on their side, EVERYTHING in disarray. I found the poor Kitty on TOP of my bathroom door - very precariously trying to keep all four paws on that 2 inch wide spot, and Red right there at the base of the door still waiting... BAD DOG!!

OH and his health - He had "acne"?!!! At just a few months old, he was going through what the vet called something "rare" but does occur - I should have known right then that we might have a few extra vet bills than we were expecting to come our way!! One day while I was loading the dishwasher, he sauntered over and ate the spot free rinse agent, he also ate rat poisoning more than once... can't even remember how he got that, I think he broke into the garage. This dog was HARD to contain I am telling you!! Once he escaped and was gone for 2 days. We didn't know if we would see him again, but he came back - covered in cigarette burns all over his body. That broke my heart. I just do NOT get how anyone could do that. We live in a sad world.

As wild and crazy as he was, the second he jumped out of the truck on a bird hunt, he was ALL business. He was an amazing hunting dog. Sean had so much fun training him. He was his best buddy. I had never seen Sean be so attached to an animal - and Lord knows we have had too many to count over our 21 yrs of marriage.

In June of 2006 when Red was 11 years old he made his Great Escape. We had gone over to Butte to celebrate Reagan's 15th Birthday. There was a play she wanted to see and we just decided to stay overnight in a Hotel and let the kids swim and play, etc.... So, that afternoon we left for the play, leaving Red in the room. When we returned he was just gone. I personally do not believe he could have pushed that handle down and walk backwards and open that door, but after reading the things I just wrote about all of his escapes, maybe he did... We will never know. We searched for days... We went back to Butte off and on for months. We ran adds and people called that had seen him, but we never found him again. When we go on trips, we never pass through Butte that we don't stop at the shelter and check "just in case". He would be 14 this April.

Red, we miss you buddy, but we will never forget you.

"N"

2009-04-13T07:52:00.003-06:00

OK, Folks! Today - I am asking you for an "N" - a NAME!! It is quickly becoming a big ordeal at our house - I am not a person that likes discord and this is becoming a source of discord around here. One of these precious babies will be coming to live at my house on May second. OH - the cat is out of the bag - we made it 4 days before telling Sean about his 40th birthday gift. Sean lost his beloved, Red, also a German Shorthair, almost 3 years ago - Maybe I will tell his story tomorrow ... anyway. We will get a female and for field purposes, she will hunt and possibly do Field trials, we need a one syllable name.

To give you a small idea, the only name we have all somewhat agreed on was Tinkerbell, and call her "Tink" or "Bell". Sean came up with that (shocking) and I really liked it until Jake pointed out the obvious - "Paris Hilton's dog is Tinkerbell!" and now that is all I think of when I hear the name... It needs to be one syllable cuz when you give commands in the field it should be short and sweet and the name is attached because it is often that you are hunting with several people and their dogs... OK so go for it - give us lots of name ideas. Weird, funny, cute, serious - whatever!! We would love to hear your ideas!!

Good Friday

2009-04-10T08:43:00.003-06:00

On Good Friday - and always - May His light guide your path, May His love grace your heart... and may His sacrifice stregthen your soul!!! It is such a reminder that things always look darkest before the dawn. I love you, guys, and am so blessed by my blog friends!! Thanks for being a part of my journey.

Surprise!

2009-04-07T07:39:00.002-06:00

I am about to burst and have to tell someone!! I have NEVER been good at keeping secrets. See these beautiful German Shorthair puppies? One of them will be living in my house SOON! We lost our precious Shorthair, Red, about 3 years ago. He escaped from a hotel room in Butte, MT and we never found him again. We had gone over for Reagan's birthday, stayed in a hotel just for fun. We had gone to a play and when we returned he was gone, just gone. We went back and searched for him for the first few months, to no avail.

Red was Sean's hunting buddy. He still cries when we talk about him. Sean will be 40 in May so guess what? Yep - Happy Birthday to Sean!! I hope he is happy and will enjoy training another bird dog. I also hope he is prepared to pick up LARGE piles of poop. There is a world of difference in what comes out of Chica, our chihuahua, and what these thing will eventually produce!!

The three kids and I went to meet them last night. OH MY they were so cute! I thought one would stand out to me, but NOPE! So, I decided I will let Sean decide. He will eventually get to pick, in FOUR weeks!! I need to quit thinking about their cuddly goodness or I am gonna slip up!! and month is a long time!!

M is for Mysterious Milo!!

2009-04-06T09:58:00.003-06:00

The funny thing about these pictures is that I didn't take them. I didn't even know they existed until I downloaded my pictures.

A few weeks ago I came downstairs to discover a shredded TP roll all over the living room rug, but had no idea which cat was responsible. We have four cats so it was in the air as to which one was actually guilty.

I don't even know who took the pictures, probably Jake. Who then obviously left the mess for me to find later. I LOVE cleaning up messes I didn't create - that is why I have pets and kids!

April Fool's Day

2009-04-01T21:33:00.002-06:00

Today was a much better day than yesterday. It was full of sunshine, fun, and hope! It was a new beginning and a fresh start. April fools day always reminds me of my maternal Grandma because she ALWAYS had a good one to pull over on everyone's head! She was a woman that could always find a reason to get up in the morning and make a difference in the world - all the way until just a few weeks before her death at the age of 94.

"They won't all be sunny days - Life's gonna bring out some rain But I can restore it. I'll be that much stronger for the pain. So, even when I'm sad I know everyday I have is still beautiful." Jessica Simpson

Bad Day

2009-03-31T18:44:00.003-06:00

The truth is, I seldom have a bad day. That has not always been the case in my life, but fortunately, in the recent past, it is true. It seems that today was an accumulation of a lot of not so great things all hitting at once. This morning I kept trying to shake it off, after the first few things hit, I was still feeling strong and courageous. But by early afternoon I just threw in the towel, after a good cry of course. It finally all got the best of me.

I wanted to just crawl into a hole and be alone. I wanted to stick my head in the sand and ignore the world, even if it was only for a little while. I finally ignored the phones and crawled into bed with Lizzie and we watched Animal Planet. It was a good reprieve. My emotions have run from shock to unbelief to anger and now I am just plain sad.

I am not used to feeling like this honestly, my life is usually full of joy and I am training myself to find the good in things even when it is not easy. But tonight I am weary, tonight I just don't want to work that hard at being positive. I think tonight I will give myself permission to just be and just feel whatever I want to feel. Tomorrow will be a new day, the first day of a new month. A month that will begin to show the signs of spring and new beginnings and that will be wonderful, but for tonight, just for tonight, I don't want to see the light, I want to pull the blanket over my head and hide in the dark where nothing can touch me or hurt me anymore.

"L" is for Longing for Spring

2009-03-30T06:30:00.003-06:00

We live in Montana. Yes, it has warmed up, but no it has not stopped snowing. This is our view this morning. That is actually a glimpse at my mom's place next door. I know I am in the minority, but I do not mind waking up to all the snow. I like it actually and summer is my least favorite month of the year. Maybe being raised in Texas and all that heat warped me, I don't know.

But there are creatures in my home that are longing for spring. Mr Darcy does this regularly, just kinda hangs out of his kitty door, getting a breath of fresh air, but just can't bring himself to actually take a leap and go outside. He just hangs out like this for about five minutes, then pulls his head back inside and walks away from the door looking disgruntled. I think I am the only one in my house NOT longing for spring.

question

2009-03-29T07:53:00.002-06:00

Is anyone else having trouble uploading images to blogger? I have been trying since last night - well, not ALL night or anything. I did sleep. I tried several times last night and again this morning.
I am probably just doing something wrong, or my computer is the problem - either one is a possibility... :)
just wondering....

My Girls

2009-03-25T15:14:00.002-06:00

These are some of my very favorite pictures of you two. I am not even really sure why, but they just seem carefree and fun - just like the two of you. I did not realize that you would have so much love for each other - you both genuinely enjoy each other's company.

I can not even remember ONE time in seven years that the two of you have been angry with each other - which is certainly not true of other family relationships. Your personalities just seem to mesh really well together. You long to spend time together, which does this ole mama's heart good!

Both of you, so beautiful inside and out and so caring and accepting of each other. I pray that the worst things you have experienced so far will be the worst of your life, but realize that is probably not going to be true. I know there will be hard times ahead for each of you, because this crazy thing we call life is just that way. I also know that no matter what, you will always have each other to encourage and lift you up. Just like the worst is probably still ahead for you, the BEST is as well - because life has so many wonderful things waiting for you both! I am so glad that good or bad, whatever comes, you will face it together - with love and compassion because that is just who you are.

SSSHHHHH

2009-03-24T10:01:00.002-06:00

I will let you in on a little secret - I am changing me life. Yep, SO much has changed in my life over the past few years that I am now feeling invincible. I am going to conquer the one area of my life that has never been conquered before - my weight.

I had been walking for about 3 months, but have not lost a pound. Yea, I know all the sayings, "muscle weighs more than fat - you are probably building muscle" Also, my goal is not just to be a skinny minny, but to be healthy! BUT when you are as overweight as I am, weight must come off in order for total health to arrive!

When we were in Ft Worth, Reliv launched their now Slimdown 2009 and I got excited. Reliv has a specific product for weight loss, and people have used it to great success. I have gone on it and off of it about 5 times since it was released in Feb 2007. You probably remember my daughter, Reagan, went from a size 17 to a size 9 using this product. Anyway, I started Slimplicity consistently on February 24th and did not weigh until today - my one month anniversary. Today, I have officially lost 8 lbs and 6 inches!! WOO HOO!!! I guess it is not a secret anymore, and I no longer want it to be - I don't have to be afraid of failure. I have the determination and now I have the tools - watch out!

K is for Kinship

2009-03-23T14:01:00.003-06:00

Lizzie had her friends at the party - but I also had mine! Thanks God for wonderful friends and family!! Left to right - my mom, Rosemary, My best friend, Julie, My sweet daughter, Reagan, Me, My dear friend, Char - Yea for Kinship!

Indoor Beach Party!!

2009-03-21T08:24:00.003-06:00

These are the cupcakes we made. They were not too hard, but they were time consuming. The shark is made out of a twinkie. I must say, they were delicious! I would have liked the fish to be actually swimming, but you come convince my hard headed kid ANYthing and I will be impressed.

This is our sand - filled living room. Now you see why I say I will be still finding sand next year?

That thing over in the corner covered in plastic is Jake's piano. He threatened endlessly that his piano better not get wet - It survived without being scathed one bit!

This is the guest room. It was wall to wall Pool! There is one sheet rocked wall in there that we covered in plastic.

Lizzie had a blast! She begged for an indoor beach party since her 6th birthday - we said "NO" for 10 months and finally relented. I do not regret it - it was fun! It would only work in a house of solid tile or stained concrete like we have. You really can't hurt our house - it is a perfect house for parties.

Life is Beautiful

2009-03-19T16:11:00.002-06:00

1) It is a great day, the sun is shining.

2) My husband is suppose to be at work, but he is home with me and we just took a nap together, on a Thursday in the middle of the day - Wonderful - get your mind out of the gutter, Lizzie is home - so we ONLY napped - but it did cross our minds for just a second - which is also a good thing after 21 years we are not bored with each other.

3) I have almost all the sand cleaned up on my first floor, ALMOST, somehow I think I will be finding sand for a long time to come. I will post pictures soon - I promise!

4) I worked about an hour and a half today and made as much money as I used to make in an entire day of cleaning teeth - and I get to help someone change their future - what more could I ask for?

5)Lizzie is happy today, she is surrounded by her Littlest Pet Shops and having a ball. She is also addicted to the movie Beauty and the Beast these days - I really like that movie. It reminds me of Reagan, she was 3 when it was released and it was also one she watched over and over. I miss Reagan, she is in Houston for Spring Break.

6) I have Choir tonight - one of my very favorite things all week. I LOVE choir, I am not even sure why - but I LOVE it!!

7) Tomorrow is the start of a fabulous weekend!

This Week

2009-03-16T14:59:00.002-06:00

Monday Morning Update: A New Tradition

IDEA BORROWED FROM Friar

the weekend that was: Friday and Saturday were full of Reliv stuff, it was Master Affiliate Training, which only happens once a quarter. We had some amazing teachers, Rosemary from MO and Nick from CA. Also, the highest paid Reliv distributors, they make 80K a month, showed up in Bozeman to do training with us - NICE couple who have just helped a lot of people - that was amazing.

Sunday was Lizzie's 7th birthday - we had a beach party - 2 sandboxes in the living room and a 10 ft pool in the extra bedroom! wow! lots of wet, sandy, screaming girls! It was a blast.

on my to-do list this week: it is spring break for the kids, so we are going to do school only 2 days this week. I hope to get a lot of new people called and set appointments. I would like to get my whole house in some kind of order - better than now anyway!

procrastinating about: Cleaning - always!

book i’m in the midst of: The Courage to be Rich, by susie orman, also a jeanette oak book, which is pretty slow, and Helen Keller's biography

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: I downloaded Amy Grant - old stuff I used to listen to in High School, also Wynona

big excitment coming up: Not sure - Everyday I get to help someone change their life seems exciting.

how i’m feeling about this week: Excited, always excited!

J is for Jesus

2009-03-16T14:43:00.002-06:00

I would like to introduce you to my best friend, Jesus. Yes, it may seem odd to you that I would talk about Him so casually, as He is the Son of God and all, but He is so much more than that to me.

He has been the only true steadfast thing in my entire life. Always there, always dependable, always loving me no matter what. As much as I love some other people in my life, they are human, and therefore always let me down at some point or another.

I used to just go to Jesus when things were bad or I was in a bind. I would beg Him to rectify the situation and promise my undying devotion, soon to be forgotten when things were smooth again. Then at some point I quit treating Him like the lottery. I quit living in fear of condemnation and began living in freedom of being me, far from perfect, but realizing that I am always lovable to Him.

We have been through a lot together, great things and horrible things, and I know there are going to be both in my future. Good or bad, no matter what, I do know one person that will be beside me from now all the way into eternity - Jesus. My saviour, my healer, my best friend.

Friday the 13th

2009-03-13T07:21:00.002-06:00

"So how did Friday the 13th become such an unlucky day?
Dossey, also a folklore historian and author of Holiday Folklore, Phobias and Fun, said fear of Friday the 13th is rooted in ancient, separate bad-luck associations with the number 13 and the day Friday. The two unlucky entities ultimately combined to make one super unlucky day.
Dossey traces the fear of 13 to a Norse myth about 12 gods having a dinner party at Valhalla, their heaven. In walked the uninvited 13th guest, the mischievous Loki. Once there, Loki arranged for Hoder, the blind god of darkness, to shoot Balder the Beautiful, the god of joy and gladness, with a mistletoe-tipped arrow.
"Balder died and the whole Earth got dark. The whole Earth mourned. It was a bad, unlucky day," said Dossey. From that moment on, the number 13 has been considered ominous and forboding."

This Friday some people will be so paralyzed with fear they simply won't get out of bed. Others will steadfastly refuse to fly on an airplane, buy a house, or act on a hot stock tip. It's Friday the 13th, and they're freaked out.
"It's been estimated that [U.S] $800 or $900 million is lost in business on this day because people will not fly or do business they would normally do," said Donald Dossey, founder of the Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in Asheville, North Carolina. " Nat. Geographic

So, do you believe in bad luck? I really do not. I think bad things happen, but lots of good things happen. I think today is gonna be an amazingly great day, Friday the 13th or not!

Life

2009-03-11T06:46:00.005-06:00

I am still on Sean's computer so I do not have access to my pictures. I thought I would give you a sample of the pictures on his computer that I do have access to. I am sorry, but for the life of me I just can't figure out how to blog about farrier tools, airplanes, or crests.

It is just not in me. So, I will tell you what is happening with me.

Something has taken over and I have no way to explain it. I have never been so excited about life as long as I can remember. Even with this time change I wake up before my alarm, too excited about the day to stay in bed. Those of you that know me well, know I LOVE to sleep in, so you realize the great extent of my excitement. It is like I can not wait for the day to actually arrive so I can get moving. And I do mean get moving.

I was a swimmer all of my childhood and teen years. To be honest, I was pretty damn good at it, too. I held the regional backstroke record at my school from 1986 until I don't know when. When we moved to Montana in 1998 my name was still up there on the board. I am assuming at this point someone has finally broken it. My point is this, I have not really exercised much since that time. Then when I was sick - if I even exercised for 10 minutes I would detox and feel horrible for 2 days. Well, I started walking in september. Not much, I would do 10 - 15 minutes on the treadmill about 3 days a week. Well, a couple of weeks ago I decided to get serious about this. I started taking Slimplicity and walking 4 - 5 days a week. The longest I have walked so far has been 27 minutes. My cravings for sweets has decreased dramatically with the slimplicity. I am addicted to the scales, and then if I am not losing the amount of weight I should, then I get frustrated, so I am not going to weigh until March 24th, that will be a month from when I started. I can tell I am losing inches though from my clothes.

Another thing is my anxiety. I have mentioned it on here before, but I did not leave my house without my mom or my husband for about 4 years. I started driving with my kids about 8 or 9 months ago, and that was really freeing, but I have yet to venture out on my own. I feel safe with Reagan, cuz I know if I needed her to, she could drive. See, the anxiety comes from years of getting sick and when I would have my allergic reactions I could not remember how to get home, or anywhere else - so I quit driving. So, over the past month I have been taking short treks out on my own. Yesterday I did actually drive to town, with Sean in his truck several miles behind me. I drove all of my errands in town alone. I did flip out one time when I called his cell phone and he did not answer. Then I spent the next 30 minutes mentally bashing myself for being an idiot. I did a lot of negative self talk about how a grown woman should not be scared to be in town alone, etc... which was unproductive. Finally I realized that the point is that I am doing it, I am trying. I want to live life to the fullest and am going to continue to grow as much as I can.

So, you see I am going through a lot of personal growth and it is scary and exciting at the same time. I am LOVING life right now!

I is for Iguana

2009-03-09T07:20:00.002-06:00

We used to have one of these living in our house. I can not even tell you

how relieved I am that I am able to say USED to. She was an escape artist,

so I would spend days not sure when I would stumble across this.

EEEEWWWWWW

Lizzie's Interview

2009-03-07T07:23:00.002-07:00

This is a note going around Facebook. Since I constantly talk about Lizzie on this blog - why break the theme now? Seriously, this interview cracked me up - it just shows me how kids of her age think everything that happens is about them. If I am happy, it is because of her, if I am sad it is because of her. SO much responsibility!!! I will be glad when the black and white thinking starts getting into some gray reasoning. I think it is interesting that when she is gone she just thinks I sit around and wait for her to come home! Also that my favorite thing is to cuddle with her in bed and watch movies - I love to do that, but I wouldn't list it as my favorite thing in the whole world to do! Anyway - enjoy!

Ask your child questions and write done their answers exactly.

Interview with Lizzie, 6 yr, almost 7

1. What is something mom always says to you?
I love you

2. What makes mom happy?
If I love her

3. What makes mom sad?
If I do something bad

4. How does your mom do that makes you laugh?
tickle

5. What did your mom like to do when she was a child?
I don't know

6. How old is your mom?
40

7. How tall is your mom?
how tall are you?

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Cuddle in bed and watch tv

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
wait for me to come back

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
being the nicest mom for a world record

11. What is your mom really good at?
making pizza

12. What is your mom not very good at?
iron plastic bead animals

13. What does your mom do for her job?
Reliv

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
pizza

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
being the greatest mommie in the whole entire world

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Jerry from Tom and Jerry

17. What do you and your mom do together?
Read, cook, go places

18. How are you and your mom the same?
our chins

19. How are you and your mom different?
our faces except the chin

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
because she says it all the time and I love it

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
when he comes home from work she starts hugging him

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
movies

Help

2009-03-06T07:57:00.001-07:00

OK - when I wrote my last post it looked normal, but published weird by the picture. What do I need to do different?

also, how do you put a link without the actual link showing: you know like have one word people click on that takes them to the actual link?

I am blog illiterate - but would love to learn these things!

Strange Thursday

2009-03-06T07:31:00.002-07:00

It was a strange Thursday. First of all, my computer croaked...like it is DEAD - I will have to take it in and see what can be salvaged. I think I got a virus, cuz it just started acting crazy and as I was trying to fix it and back up, etc...the screen went black and says some file is missing. I can't get it to do ANYthing!

Yesterday morning there was a gas explosion here in our town. Sean went, of course, cuz he is a fireman and that is what they do. They could not cap the gas off, and there was still fire burning when he finally left last night about 8pm. He is working a 48 hr shift now, so he is already back out there. Most of this city block is destroyed, but glass and roofing material was blown in a 4 blk radius around this. Sean said there is a 10ft deep crater in the back of this building. Quite a big deal for our little town. Of course they flew the Governor and Lt. Governor, etc... in as soon as they all heard about it. I felt so much better that we had spent a lot of money to bring in the politicians to sit around and do nothing. Money well spent, I say!

Lizzie had a bad day. Sean was at a meeting that morning and so he was only a few blocks away and called about 8:20 to tell me he was heading over. It is like I always feel like he is safe, but in the back of my mind I wonder what is really going on. I finally turned the local radio station on about 10:30 and they made the announcement that they could not find a valve to turn off the gas. Lizzie was in here and went into a panic. Needless to say, the radio remained off for the remainder of the day. She is much like her big sister, she avoids her feelings and does a very good job of shelving them. So, through out the day she was a little clingy and whiny, but did not want to talk about anything. When we got home from Jake's piano lesson, we turned the TV on and it was on the news, there was Sean for about 2 seconds - Lizzie exclaimed, "It's daddy! See, he is alright!" Which showed me that she was worrying more than I had thought. When Sean walked through the door about 9pm last night we were all very happy to see him. We were getting ready for bed and Lizzie said, "Can we get in your bed and all snuggle? Dad can be the patty, and mom and I will be the bun - we will be a happy family sandwich!" All was good in her world once again.

H is for the Houston Zoo!!!

2009-03-02T07:48:00.003-07:00

We love the Houston Zoo. We go every time we are in Houston, which is usually in July or August and beastly hot and humid! February at the Zoo was WONDERFUL!

Here is Jake being the compliant brother that he is, all 6 ft of him crammed into this little cave!

This is a crawl through tunnel at the piranha exhibit! SCARY!! Lizzie didn't make it much further than this into that tube!

This is my favorite picture. She could not believe the size of that Python!

Here is Lizzie the little Groundhog! She did NOT see her shadow!!

Peace at Last

2009-02-28T22:57:00.002-07:00

I am alone. I am seldom alone. Sean is at work, Lizzie spent the night at my mom's house, Jake is not home yet, and I am alone.

It is so funny how quiet being alone can be. We are a loud family. I don't even really know why, we are loud in almost everything we do, even walking. When Jake has his ipod on he paces the 1st floor, that kid is eventually going to wear a path into the stained concrete. When I am in my bed at night, and he is pacing, I can hear each step he takes.My bedroom is on the second floor. See, what I mean by loud family?

I am love this quiet. If the washer was not running, their would be no noise at all. I am going to go get in the sauna and then head to my quiet bed. aaaaaaahhhhhhhh I hope you are feeling as peaceful as I am at this moment.

Road Block

2009-02-26T06:29:00.002-07:00

Look at that pitiful little face - ears back, tail tucked between her legs - poor Chica! These are the stairs she uses to get on and off of our bed. This is one of our cats, Milo, resting right there on top of her little stairs. Three of our four cats do this, I honestly believe it is no accident. I do not think they just happen to pick this spot, I believe it is on purpose. I think they relish in watching Chica's distress as she circles, whining, and whimpering and continuing to return to the stairs over and over again, but won't actually get on them. Feline Roadblock - very affective!

I can't look at this picture and not think of my own road blocks. How easily am I swayed from what I desire to do as soon as an obstacle pops up in my way? Am I determined enough to keep pushing my way through or to even find an alternate route? I think for me sometimes if it seems too hard I just give in and don't push through. I have learned in the past few years that it all depends on how badly I want it. If I have a big enough "why", a big enough reason, NOTHING will stand in my way. I might get sidetracked, I might do a few circles and whimper a bit about the road block, but I will pursue and seek a way to accomplish my goal, if I want it bad enough.

Chica knows I will come to her rescue. She knows eventually, after watching until my amusement is satisfied, that I will shoo the cat and she can get on the bed. Or I will just pick her up, cuddle her a bit until her little chihuahua body quits shaking and set her on the bed. In a similar way, I know that my Heavenly Father always comes to my rescue. He may shoo the obstacle away, or He may provide a different set of stairs, or sometimes He simply lifts me in His arms and holds me close until I feel comforted and loved and then He gently places me where I wanted to go in the first place.

Yes, when God places a desire or passion in my heart, I do my best to pursue it and follow it, no matter what obstacles are in my way. The greatest part is that He never expects me to battle my obstacles alone, He is always beside me, in front of me and/or behind me to help me see it through. I am so grateful and it makes the journey so much more fun!

Plain Freaky

2009-02-24T22:19:00.002-07:00

OK - Remember when I wrote my some-what sarcastic letter to Frontier Airlines apologizing for thinking my camera was stolen while in their care? Well, I never actually contacted Frontier about the camera. I was intending to contact them, but then found my camera. Since this was the only avenue I had actually said anything about the theft, I just wrote that half joking letter on here - my blog. For your benefit, my faithful 5 or 6 people that actually read this. Well, so someone please tell me how this letter showed up in my email yesterday, please, cuz it seems kinda creepy - nice, but creepy:

Hello Michelle Grabbe,

Thanks for you note. We’re mainly glad that you found your camera!

We appreciate you flying on Frontier and would ask for your consideration of flying Frontier Airlines on your next air travel trip.

Kind Regards,

Doug Skelton
Customer Relations
Frontier Airlines, Inc.

FRONTIER AIRLINESIntroducing AirFairs. The fair way to fly from "a whole different animal."CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This email may contain confidential and privileged material for the sole use of the intended recipient(s). Any review, use, distribution or disclosure by others is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify the sender immediately by e-mail and delete the message and any file attachments from your computer.

G is for Grandma

2009-02-23T01:10:00.002-07:00

Sean's mom on the Carousel this past week at the Houston Zoo.

My mom and my oldest daughter, Reagan a few months back.

My mom helping with the "Princess Tea Party" we had with Lizzie and Laura.

Jake and Sean's mom, Mona last week - still at the zoo. Grandmas are such special people in our lives. I miss mine very much!

Lizzie as Uncle Fester

2009-02-21T18:05:00.002-07:00

Have you seen the Adam's Family Movie? Uncle Fester sleeps in a bed that looks similar to this! While we were in Houston, Sean's sis was kind enough to give Sean and I her bed and she slept with Lizzie on a blow up mattress. Well, it got a hole one night. It didn't seem to bother Lizzie much, she just snored away!

This room was wall to wall mattress. Kelli and Liz had one bed, Jake and the dog, Charlie, had the other. Lizzie was thrilled, she thought it was a slumber party every single night!

Please Forgive me, Frontier

2009-02-21T17:50:00.002-07:00

Dear Frontier Airlines,

I am asking your forgiveness for making false accusations. I truly believed someone had stolen my camera. I admit it, I jumped to conclusions. Yes, I also slandered you by telling everyone my camera had been stolen while in your care. For this, I apologize.

Imagine my surprise when I finally unpacked - yes, it has been two days since I arrived home, but who is counting? So, as I was getting to the VERY bottom of my bag, there was something shining up at me. On close inspection I realized it was my beloved camera!! I am very happy to be reunited with my precious electronic device.

Thanks for understanding that I jumped to conclusions and am a slow unpacker!

Your faithful Customer - Michele

Sardines

2009-02-21T07:59:00.002-07:00

Since Sean and I were driving down to Houston when the conference was over, we rented a car. You know when you rent a car, you never know what kind of car you will get. We were blessed with a Kia. It was WELL used, at the end of the week we had put 900 miles on it. While at the conference everything is within walking distance, so only a few people had cars. One night we went off in search of Tex-Mex - a true slice of heaven to this TX girl. Anyway, we fit nine people inside that Kia! It was amazing, and funny, and we felt like sardines, but I am still laughing right now today just thinking about it!

Since Sean's family lives in Houston, well La Porte to be exact, they met us when we got into Ft Worth and stole Jake and Lizzie for the weekend. That was really nice because the kids were not stuck in the hotel room or at meetings and Sean and I could really concentrate on what we were there for and not worry about entertaining the kids. Then Saturday we drove down to Houston and joined them. I might get a Kia sometime in my life - 900 driving miles = 28 gallons of gas!! Unbelievable.

I've been robbed

2009-02-20T13:53:00.003-07:00

OK, so I just went to download my pictures so I could start reliving my trip with you guys - guess what? NO camera!! Yeppers, checked it in my bag and it is gone. Stolen...some security guy or luggage guy in Texas now is the proud owner of my camera. You know, it isn't the camera so much as ALL my pictures from the entire week that makes me sad. Lizzie's first trip to the Zoo, that can not be recovered. The ocean - gone as well. So sad.

Well, you will just have to use your imagination: Our first three days in Texas were spent in Ft Worth at the Reliv Conference. It was unreal. I have been involved with Reliv for over two years and have fallen more and more in love with it, but my love and passion has reached an entirely new level!

This is a debt free company - debt free - unreal in this age and time. I also learned that not only has my check grown through these past months, everyone Else's are growing as well. Unreal. What a blessing, what an opportunity - To get to help people change their lives and earn money while doing it. I am very honored to be a part of this.

These products are changing people's lives all over the world. It will not be long until Reliv is a household name, so just remember you heard it right here first! :) I met a man that had cancer and very little time to live, he is cancer free today. I saw a woman that about a year ago was living in a nursing home wearing a diaper and being spoon fed, now up and doing anything she wants! She got married and walked down the aisle!! Then there are the kids with autism, ADD, diabetes that are going to have a bright future they might have never experienced without these products. I have seen many miracles over the past few years, but my passion is stronger now than ever before. I knew these products changed lives, but this business is keeping families afloat, it is helping people pay their bills and buy their groceries. The idea that people can do this in the crevices of their lives right from their kitchen table is so amazing. Reliv is the real thing!!

Thank you, God, for being persistent through my doubt and skepticism and never giving up on me. Thank you for this gift!!

F is for Finally Home!

2009-02-11T22:11:00.006-07:00

I missed the "F" last Monday!! We got home late last night and I got to sleep in my amazing bed!! Tell me why after being gone your own bed just feels like an old friend?

Well, I have lots to tell you, but do not have time right now, but I will get on later and give you ALL the scoop!

Love to you all and can't wait to get caught up on all your blogs!!

Goodbye!!

2009-02-11T22:11:00.002-07:00

"I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again..."

Not entirely true - I will be gone thursday to thursday. I am heading "home" to Texas!
Yee Haw!

It is both business and pleasure and we are all going, well, except Reagan, the little college student who must stay home and study her little butt off, poor girl!

I will try to get online somewhere along the way, but am not taking my computer, simply because I do not want to carry it through the airport!

I will miss you - but will catch up as soon as I can!

bye, my blog buddies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Claw Foot Tub

2009-02-10T20:45:00.005-07:00

Since we moved into our log house in July of 2005, there is one thing I have been waiting for - to soak in this tub!! AAAAAWWWWWWW

Here is our always willing model - Lizzie enjoying her soak!

She was enjoying her bath VERY much!! Of course, she always enjoys her picture taken, she is quite a ham!

I have to say, it was worth the wait, well, maybe not really, but I am certainly glad the wait is over!!

E is for Elizabeth!

2009-02-09T16:22:00.002-07:00

This was our "surprise" from God. We thought we were finished having kids. When I got pregnant with "Lizzie" we were homeless - living in a travel trailer with no running water or electricity.

I found out I was pregnant in the porta potty!! I did a pregnancy test in a porta potty, I still can't even believe that is true! I did not cry, I think I just laughed, not from joy, but from shock. It felt unbelievable. We had sex ONE time the month before - ONCE!! Ta Da!!

I got very ill while pregnant with Lizzie. Today, I am still not as strong as the woman I once was. BUT - I have come so far, and God has taught me so much through those rough years. Look at this precious Child - Elizabeth Tonda Grabbe - I would do it all again in a heart beat!!

I may not have known exactly what I needed. I did not know how much joy this kid would bring into my world! She has been sunshine through many dark days - not just for me, but for the entire family.

She is a complete joy and blessing!! I am VERY grateful that God decided to send her my way. I feel very honored, humbled and blessed to be her mother - Thanks, God!!!

My Ring!!!!

2009-02-06T16:32:00.002-07:00

It has been found - can I hear a HALLELUJAH??? It has been over a month, I had almost given up. My mom had some built in shelving put in the theater room, and when the guys moved the old entertainment center, there it was underneath!!! woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am gonna bake that man an apple pie next week!

Thanks for the prayers!!

Day Off

2009-02-04T17:21:00.002-07:00

I have declared Wednesday my day off. I was feeling stretched way too thin and revamped my entire schedule about 3 weeks ago. It has been so amazing. I am not a great organizer, so keeping my priorities straight has always been difficult for me.

I cut out some of my volunteering, or limited it to less time each month. Since Saturday and Sundays are always full, I picked Wednesday as my day off. I have enjoyed it immensely!! Each Wednesday is a little different. Today I have read ALL day! It has been heavenly. I have been doing laundry in between, which is also a good thing - I have a TON!!

It is amazing how a little down time and "me" time rejuvenates a person! I will be raring to go tomorrow, but right now, I am gonna go finish my book! :)

Gumaholic

2009-02-03T12:27:00.003-07:00

My daughter, Reagan, has an addiction. I am going to just air it right out here for all the world to see. She is addicted to gum. Don't laugh, it is a serious issue - she chews many packs a week and hides gum from her siblings.

Aren't they the cutest things you have ever seen??? Well, I think so, but of course I had a good long labor birthing them into this world - Lizzie's was the longest at an hour and a half - Whew! I have NO idea how women do that for hours and hours - but I suppose that is a blog for another day.

Jake and Lizzie gave Reagan a Gum kit for Christmas - make your own bubble gum. Then Lizzie nagged Reagan daily until Reagan agreed it was finally time to create their own gum. Lizzie PROMISED to help - see how hard she is working at creating the gum?

This is Jake giving Lizzie a lecture about licking the sugar off her hands in the middle of kneading the gum. She has a dumbfound look on her face while thinking, "there is nothing wrong with my spit being in your gum!"

They had fun creating it - and it only took them about an hour to create those 10 tiny pieces of gum. I have noticed the kit has not emerged since. I am guessing the addict finds it much easier to zip into Target and grab a few packs than to make her own. And for an addict a quick fix is important!

D is for Demon Dog

2009-02-02T06:41:00.002-07:00

This was Sean's goal - he was snarling and growling and trying to get Chica to do the same - she obliged!!

Sean never wanted my little "rat dog" as he called her - or any other small little four legged creature.

He is a manly man that needed a manly dog - right? He loves this dog to death now! He sleeps with her right next to him and gives into her every whim.

I don't think he would admit it, but he loves her every bit as much as I do, well maybe not - but pretty darn close!!

Venting

2009-02-01T08:14:00.004-07:00

I realized something last night. Over the past few years, I have slowly, and without even being aware of it on a conscious level, surrounded myself with positive people. People that want better for themselves and those around them, people that may not be exactly where they want to be, but are striving to be better people.

I have a friend whose mom always told him growing up, "Watch out who you hang out with, because you may end up just like them." I want to be around people that are wanting to improve not only their own lives, but to make a difference in the world. People that recognize we all have to take responsibility for where are lives are. I want to be the kind of person that steps up to the plate of accepting my responsibility for my own actions and how I impact those around me.

I pray that when people have been with me, they leave feeling encouraged and uplifted. I lived in a dark place for a long time and now feel so grateful to be in a position where I even have anything to offer. I was in "survival" mode for a long time. Even so, there are people that when bad things happen they just roll over and accept it as their lot in life. I was never that person - I would try anything, do anything to find answers. I know that God works in mysterious ways, so the answer is not always in the form we expect. If someone would have told me that powder in a can would be the avenue God chose to heal me, my family, my mom, and so many I love and care about - I probably would have laughed in their face! On the other hand, like so many things over that five year period, I gave it a shot. Praise God!!

I guess what I am saying is now that I am choosing to be around people of true integrity, people that are high quality, genuine, good people, when I spend some time with people that are not - they blatantly stand out. I feel bad for them, but if they do not want to change their lives, if they are happy with being negative, bad mouthing others, drinking themselves into an oblivion repetitively for no apparent reason, ignoring the needs of their own kids, much less others in their lives - I do not choose to be around those kind of people. In fact, after experiencing it, I feel kinda disgusted and dirty. Weird. I didn't realize how truly far I had come in my personal growth.

Life is short, and I plan to make the most of what I have left. I want to laugh and have fun. I want to help people that do want change and want a better life for themselves and others. I want to make some kind of difference, and I want to be around people that have these same general goals.

"To the mediocre, mediocrity appears great”
Indian Proverb

"Getting ahead in a difficult profession requires avid faith in yourself. That is why some people with mediocre talent, but with great inner drive, go so much further than people with vastly superior talent.”
Sophia Loren

Crazy News!

2009-01-29T21:40:00.002-07:00

25 Random Things about Me

2009-01-28T00:20:00.002-07:00

I was tagged on Facebook to do this and thought I would carry it over to here - If you would like to join the fun, consider yourself tagged! I found it interesting, and also hard to think of 25 things!

1. My first name is Mary but I have always gone by my middle name, Michele
2. Cooking is my therapy
3. I was sick and spent 90% of my time in bed for about 5 years
4. I was also suicidal during that time - suicidal everyday, the only thing that kept me from killing myself was the thought of the trauma it would bring my kids.
5. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Grey's Anatomy
6. I was a dental hygienist for 10 yrs
7. My mom is my neighbor, right next door, she brought me potato soup for lunch today - I love my mom!
8. I enjoy blogging very much
9. I got married two months after graduating high school, and we are still married
10. I was raised southern baptist and am now Episcopalian
11. I love to watch snow falling
12. I work from home very part time and make a good income.
13. I can rarely see the top of my desk
14. My drink of choice is always a margarita
15. I am really enjoying getting to know people again on FB
16. I check my email about 20 times a day - really, it is an addiction with me!
17. I have wanted a chihuahua all my life, well as long as I can remember, and have had Chica for 3 yrs now
18. I sleep with a CPAP machine for Sleep Apnea
19. I get the giggles at funerals sometimes - I think it must be nervousness - it is AWFUL to start laughing with bad timing
20. I do not like coffee
21. I have not had a coke in about 8 years - or any other soda
22. I love my sister very much but we fight often
23. Pajamas are my favorite thing to wear
24. I have 4 cats - but no mice
25. I cherish my family and friends very much and consider you one of the greatest treasures in my life!

Some reasons I love Montana

2009-01-27T16:07:00.005-07:00

Lower Falls of the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone in Autumn

Lower Falls of the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone in Winter

Bighorn Sheep

Baby Foxes

The Bridger Mountains

The Bridgers at sunset

Near Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone Nat Park

Montana State University, Bozeman, MT

Mama Elk and her fawn

The Power of One

2009-01-26T22:20:00.002-07:00

We watched this tonight. I would highly recommend it. It is from the early 90's, but it has a great story to it. If you enjoy movies about overcoming, standing up for what is right and watching people come together in spite of great obstacles, then you just might like it as well. Be prepared, it is sad in many ways. Partly sad because even though it is just a movie - it shows the struggles of many people through out the world due to discrimination. Perfect timing in light of Obama's Election! If you do see it, or if you already have, I would love to know what you thought of it.

C is for the Children's Museum

2009-01-26T05:48:00.003-07:00

Our Children's Museum in Bozeman is pretty small compared to others I have seen - but it is the only one Lizzie has ever been in and she thinks it is super!

Lizzie and her dear friend Caitlynn (also a C!) rowing down river - I think they are Lewis and Clark!

Lizzie does not dress up at home - in fact, she runs around in her undies 90% of the time! But here, she loves to dress up!!

The camera is actually aimed straight up, see the ceiling light? This is a contraption that blows out a pretty strong force of air. They have different balls to place in the air flow and be sustained, but Lizzie just loves to stick her face in it!!

Mr Darcy

2009-01-24T07:50:00.003-07:00

Here is Chica defending her territory - our bed. What is she defending it from you might ask? Well, it is a whom actually and several of them. She feels that NO cat should come near her night time domain. I wish I had a picture of the toothy snarl she gives the cats if they come within a foot of the bed. Of course when she actually goes to sleep she crawls down under the covers and pays no attention. Sometimes we wake up with two or three cats on the bed - and her oblivious down there by my feet! Nothing disturbs her beauty sleep! Look at those buggy little chihuahua eyes - she needs all the beauty rest she can get!! :)

Since you met Squeak the other day, it is only fair to introduce you to Mr Darcy. Squeak belongs to Jake, and Mr Darcy belongs to Reagan, and yes, he is named after Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. Now, Milo is Elizabeth's cat and he looks exactly like Mr Darcy, only a slightly darker orange. They are brothers and sometimes if the room is not well lit, I have trouble telling which one is which. Not the kids though, they always know - and do NOT let me hear the end of it when I confuse the two. "Oh my gosh! Can't you tell Milo is darker?!" Well, honestly, I can't at times!

Squeak

2009-01-21T20:32:00.003-07:00

I would like to introduce you to Squeak. See that scowl on his face? That is not a moment of grumpiness, he looks like that all the time. He is a precious kitty and we love him, but he looks grumpy all the time. He is not grumpy though and his grumpy little face is very enduring.

So is this odd way he likes to lay around on the furniture all spread eagle. We love our little Squeak!

Honesty

2009-01-21T06:41:00.002-07:00

I was trying to decide what to blog about today, and am going with a totally honest blog. It scares me anytime I truly put my feelings out for all to see - I have deep seeded fears of rejection and abandonment. That is why I often keep things inside if I feel strongly about something. I feels like a part of me, and therefore if my idea is rejected, then I feel rejected.

Today, I feel I need to risk it. I did not vote for Obama. I did not like McCain much either, but did like his Tax plan and his Iraq stance more. I had a good friend that actually interned with George W for a few years back in Texas. I heard good stories about him all the time. Even though I do not agree with all he did while in office, I do think he is a genuine good guy. He treated the people that worked with him with utmost respect and was very kind. I think it is sad that he leaves office taking all the blame in people's eyes. I am not sure why in America, we do not allow congress to take the blame for their part. The president can not put anything into place that does not pass Congress, yet he is 100% blamed.

I watched Obama yesterday and cried many times through out. I very much enjoyed watching this moment in our American history. Just as I get sick of hearing Bush constantly bashed, I am even more upset with the people that are still bashing Obama. I honestly can NOT even believe that people are still sending all those half false emails about Obama being a terrorist, etc... It is ridiculous. Now, is the time to stop being petty and come together as a nation - no matter what side you consider yourself on. This division in our country has gone on long enough. We must decide we have more to gain by stopping the hate - both sides - and joining together. The sad thing is that deep down we all want the same things - we just have different ideas of how to get there. I will tell you the truth, I think Obama might just be the exact man to get it done!

I may not have voted for Obama - but I am supporting him 100% at this point. He is not just the President, he is now MY president. I hope he goes in there and blows people's socks off. I hope he begins to make change for our country, because God knows we need it. Change that will help our children and their children. I hope he is able to change how the world views us, because it is actually embarrassing.

I may not have voted for Obama last November, but I stand here today, January of 2009 proud to have seen him sworn in. I will be praying for him and his precious family.

As a believer in Jesus Christ I do not put my faith in Obama, or Bush or any other human. I know who is taking care of me, and it is not the government. I have total faith in my God and He has total control - Lord knows I prayed enough times during the election for God's will to be done. I trust it was.